Where’s Your God Now: Best Pictures Of Bears Killing Kids In The Bible

"Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys."

There are a lot of truly badass moments in the Bible, but one of the most incredible comes in 2 Kings. We're talking 2 Kings 2:23-24 specifically, when the prophet Elisha runs into some snotty kids on his way to Bethel. Here's the original King James version:

23And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

24And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Here's a more modern translation:

23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.

Holy shit! Two bears ripping apart FORTY TWO kids because they called Elisha a baldy! That is some righteous anger of the Lord business here. Jehova was not fucking around. This is the sort of disproportionate response intended to send a very serious message to those who would dare mock the follically challenged. Especially should they be in the service of the Lord. 

I mean, forty two kids. You would think just one or two kids getting mauled to death by a bear would be enough to get the point across. It's obvious that God operates like Malone in The Untouchables: the Chicago way! They make fun of one of yours, you maul forty two of theirs!

You would think that somebody would have made a real movie out of this by now, but I'm not aware of Elisha: Bear Mauling From The Lord having been actually made. In the meantime, enjoy these interpretations of the event. I especially like the short; I found a couple of funny recreations online, but this one has the most artistry, best gore and nicest music.

Here's a nice version by DeviantArt user Panistheman

I quite like this old timey one, because Elisha is just so pissed at the kids. He don't give a fuck. It's unclear if the artist had ever seen a bear, though. 

This one is AWESOME because it pretty much represents the whole scene as a horror story, with Elisha as the villain. Which, really, is what it is.

This has been your Badass Bible Study.

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