An Author’s Sweet, Helpful Takedown Of A Kid Trying To Cheat On His Homework

A kid was assigned a book for summer reading. He asked the internet to do his homework for him. He got a response from the author.

Caveat: I am friends with DC Pierson!

A young fellow with the apparently appropriate internet sobriquet ♥ Idiot America ~ ϟƘƦІןן∑x ♥ was assigned some summer reading for school. As the summer ended our young friend ♥ Idiot America ~ ϟƘƦІןן∑x ♥ hadn't accomplished this task, and so ♥ Idiot America ~ ϟƘƦІןן∑x ♥ did what people do in these situations: he turned to Yahoo! Answers to see if anyone could give him a summary of the book.

What ♥ Idiot America ~ ϟƘƦІןן∑x ♥ wasn't counting on was that the author of the book would respond to him. 

The book is The Boy Would Couldn't Sleep And Never Had To, and the author is DC Pierson. The book is actually wonderful; it's a sort of Amblin-inflected coming of age story about two geeky friends, one of whom ends up being able to make the things he draws come to life. This isn't a stuffy classic, it's a vibrant modern book. ♥ Idiot America ~ ϟƘƦІןן∑x ♥ should have been able to read the damn thing (he blamed, get this, library renovations for his inability to read the book).

Anyway, DC Pierson, who obviously Googles himself all the time, found this Yahoo! Answers page and wrote back to ♥ Idiot America ~ ϟƘƦІןן∑x ♥. His reply was actually amazing, and sums up DC pretty perfectly: sweet, funny, understanding and smart. Here it is:

Hi! My name's DC Pierson, I wrote the book "The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep And Never Had To." First off, I'm really excited that my book is being suggested for summer reading. On the other hand, I'm bummed out that you don't want to try and finish it, and not even because you think it's bad, but just because it seems like work instead of like fun.

 

I'm not going to sit here and act like I didn't sometimes not read assigned books for class in high school. Even though it's referenced once in my book, the book you're avoiding reading, I've never actually read "The Scarlet Letter." So I'm sympathetic to your plight. But I think you'll find there's a ton more sex, swearing, and drugs in my book than anything else you have been or will be assigned in high school, and I don't mean in the way your teacher will tell you "You know, Shakespeare has more sex and violence than an R-rated movie!" I mean it's all there, in terms you will readily understand without having to Google them. Plus not once to I refer to anything as a "bare bodkin" or anything like that.

I guess all I'm saying is, of all the books not to read, to beg the Internet to read for you because your library is being remodeled, mine seems like an odd choice. (I recently had to read it aloud for an audiobook edition, and we recorded it in about 10 hours, and I was not reading fast at all. Maybe read it aloud to yourself an hour a night between now and when class starts? Or get together with other kids who have to read it for school and read it to each other? Maybe one of these other kids will be so impressed with your oratory skills you guys will end up making out. That would be pretty cool, right?)

 

Here, I'll give you an extra hint you'll get to put in your paper if you end up writing it: It was all real. A lot of people have asked me if it was supposed to be real or not, and my feeling is, it was. You won't know what I'm talking about unless you read 'til the end, though. And you might disagree with me on this "it was all real" thing once you get there. Just because I wrote it doesn't make my opinion more valid than yours. Wouldn't it be cool to tell your teacher, "The author says he thinks (it) was real but he's an idiot and I disagree with him and here's why!"

I finished my book. I bet you can, too.

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