A&E’s STORAGE WARS Villain Evolves into A&E’s Full-On Nemesis

It's like a reality show but real.

I love Storage Wars, and after hearing Tom Hanks gush about the show on his episode of The Nerdist, I'm not ashamed to admit it. I wrote all about my feelings on the show here, but the bottom line is that Storage Wars delivers fun reality show trash thanks to a nearly flawless episode structure and well rounded cast of characters. All the greed and implicit sadness born from the show's concept is just icing on the cake.

One of the show's big stars is its villain, Dave Hester. While other characters on the show seem to generally have good, if selfish, natures, Hester just wants to hurt people. You can just feel his micropenis reflected in his every obnoxious action.

Dave's also really great at the show, and more often than not comes out on top. So for all the future asshole kids watching at home, Storage Wars' overall moral is that it pays to be a dickhead. This is further reinforced by the fact that the show's nicest guy, Barry, nearly always loses money. Future cool kids, however, will pick up on the fact that Barry is happy and popular with ladies, while Dave is a tightly packed dough ball of insecurity and resentment who, I bet you a million bucks, refuses to go downtown on his lady.

Dave's villainy was really good for the show, but now it seems like the very trait that made him so valuable has blown up in A&E's faces. According to Deadline, Dave Hester is suing A&E for firing him from Storage Wars after he allegedly complained to producers about the show being rigged.

In a fourteen page complaint, Hester goes nuts on the show, claiming Original Productions has been "salting" the show from the beginning by loading storage lockers up (or not loading them up, as the case may be) with whatever good stuff they want their cast to go appraise later.

Dave's complaint is pretty telling, but I'm particularly fond of this bit: “Nearly every aspect of the Series is faked, even down to the plastic surgery that one of the female cast members underwent in order to create more 'sex appeal' for the show." I have to assume he's referring to Darrell's breast reduction surgery here, referring to him as a female just to rub it in.

The great thing about this is how Dave Hester it all feels. You kind of have to assume the producers started giving the big wins to other cast members, thus taking them away from Dave, which is probably when he complained. Now he's getting back at the show by exposing what everyone already assumed about Storage Wars in the first place. The guy a priceless asshole.

I can't believe the show will soon have to go without him, though. They'll have a hard time coming up with such a contemptible human being to take his place. If they're really smart, they'll just get Patton Oswalt to stand in for him. Most people wouldn't notice and they're already exposed as fakers anyway. Might as well have fun with it.

In any case, part two of Storage Wars' third season is airing right now, and you should check it out if you don't mind eating awful junk food through your eyes.

Related Articles