Olivier Megaton to Direct TAKING GOTHAM: Most Inevitably Disappointing Headline Ever

This is not as cool as it sounds. Twice.

You'd think a guy named Olivier Megaton would have no choice but to be a fully functional factory that takes in nothing but beer and raw oysters and manufactures pure, undiluted badassery. His every touch produces either an explosion or an orgasm. He looks like Robert Shaw but smells like Robert Shaw as Quint. His teeth look good, but the top half are fake from fighting. He's masculine enough to make being a Republican look appealing.

Unfortunately, Olivier Megaton is instead the guy who directed Taken 2, a balless, bloodless, senseless piece of step-dad porn in which Liam Neeson kills guys just by limply touching their faces. He also directed Transporter 3 and Columbiana. So he not only pollutes the world with PG-13 action films, but he works primarily for Luc Besson, a French guy. Oh shit. He's a French guy.

It's bad enough that Olivier Megaton is way less awesome than his name implies, but his next film also has a title that sets up unrealized expectations: Taking Gotham. No, it doesn't have anything to do with Batman or Gotham City. See what I mean? It's like Project Gotham Racing all over again.

Normal people probably don't care about Olivier Megaton, but lots of them are familiar with Gotham City and a slightly larger number of them are kind of dumb. So it seems like a bad idea to put the word Gotham in your movie title, however well-meaning or logical it may be.

The movie itself doesn't sound that bad. It's about a super secret police unit that has to take the law into its own hands for one reason or another. That doesn't sound any better or worse than most generic action films that come out each year. I'll see it because I have an action movie sickness that can only be cured with more action films.

There's actually a more interesting story buried at the end of the Deadline article in which I found this juicy, but pointless, news item. It involves the other upcoming films from Taking Gotham's production company EFF (Emmett/Furla Films). There are three of them, and they all star Mark Walhberg. All of them. Wahlberg.

We have 2 Guns, starring Wahlberg and Denzel Washington. As well as Broken City staring Wahlbeg and Russell Crowe. And then there's Lone Survivor, starring Mark Wahlberg and directed by Peter Berg. So, not to state the obvious or anything, but it looks like we're getting a Megaton of Walhberg next year. That's good. He's Megatonalented.

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