When The Secret Life of Walter Mitty inspired the entire global population to join eHarmony late last year, dating site executives worldwide started furiously conceiving ways to turn their own sites into motion pictures. First out of the gate is Christian Mingle, written and directed by Corbin Bernsen (!), based on the website by Spark Networks. I'm not a fan of dating sites, but I am a fan of Christian movies with barely-plausible storylines, so it's right up my alley.
Christian Mingle tells the tale of a high-powered marketing executive who seems to have everything in life. Unfortunately, though, she's also a woman, so she can't be happy unless she has a man. But she can't seem to find one! Enter ChristianMingle.com and the God-fearing man of her chastest dreams, to whom she introduces herself with her full name for some reason. All seems to be going well, but nobody can date a Christian without becoming one themselves, and soon Gwyneth Hayden finds herself transforming into something she never thought she'd be.
I love these movies. There's a sickly, bland cleanliness to their cinematography and a sickly, bland cleanliness to their sense of humour (Needle drops! Oprah jokes!) that really gets me going for some reason. Pleasantly predictable, they always end with the nonbelievers finding God, and they often include your favourite character actors coasting as well. If you want to know what life as a working actor is like, watch Christian movies.
Christian Mingle stars Lacey Chabert as the lonely heretic, Jonathan Patrick Moore as some teeth, Saidah Arrika Ekulona as The Sassy Black Lady, and Stephen Tobolowsky as Stephen Tobolowsky. It also features a touching appearance by Stalking Cat as Morgan Fairchild, recorded just prior to his tragic death. If successful, the film will form part of a Marvel-style shared universe of niche dating site movies, with film adaptations of GlutenFreeSingles.com, Pounced.org and SeaCaptainDate.com already in development.