NSFW: Put The MCU Inside You With These ORGASMS OF THE GALAXY Sex Toys

This post is not safe for work. Obviously.

There’s been a controversy brewing over the last few weeks regarding the advertising for Wonder Woman, that’s led to some even going as far as to insinuate that WB/DC are burying their multi-million-dollar universe installment because everybody’s fave Amazonian doesn’t have her own line of Doritos.

But while there’s certainly a dearth of Golden Lasso’d snack foods at your local grocery store, one thing not currently lacking from humans’ lives are sex toys inspired by Marvel’s hit Guardians of the Galaxy duology (Vol. 2 in theaters now – check the mix-tape on Spotify). Because when the intergalactic adventures of a talking tree, fuzzy raccoon, and former Bond henchman currently suffering from some rare pigmentation disorder are playing on the silver screen, someone in that dark theater is most certainly thinking “I want those inside of me.”

Appropriately named adult novelty depot Geeky Sex Toys recently released a line of Guardians of the Galaxy playthings (called Orgasms of the Galaxy) that compliments their Power Rangers butt plugs (Anal Rangers) quite well. Take a peek at the promo video from their website, which comes complete with some jabroni doing his best Star Lord/Chris Pratt:

While possibly not as impressive as their Pokémoan Dildos (Gotta get ‘em all!), Geeky Sex Toys have knocked it out of the park (or avoided potential Cease & Desist orders) with names like “Root” and “Mini Root” (for their respective Groot/Baby Groot Dildo/Butt Plug), “Star Load” (their Star Lord tribute vibrator), and “Randy” (their Rocket Raccoon anal tail). “Dix The Destroyer” looks somewhat intimidating, and is only recommended for the hardest core geeks amongst our ranks, while the Gamora/Nebula fleshlights are key items to pack when taking a long trip, or if you’re just a weird virgin.  

While certainly not as wide-reaching as say a Batman v. Superman Happy Meal at McDonald’s, it’s nice to see the adult market flexing their creative muscles in celebration of our favorite IPs, and that imaginatively titled sex parodies have not gone the way of the Dodo. So, while the world continues to wait for the fourth Wonder Woman trailer to drop, I’m going to order up my own Randy, stick it in my ass, and then wait for my wonderful significant other to arrive home from work and wonder why there’s a squirrel cozied up in our bed beside me. Look for my upcoming guest spot on a future Trying Times Episode.

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