The Hollywood Reporter tells us that upcoming film project The Three Little Stooges has cast the title roles. They have these children's names and faces over at THR. Not here. Those are just kids; this isn't their fault. They'll soon be under the microscope of a hot-take culture wondering why three minors are hitting each other with frying fans, poking their eyes out, and undergoing endless varieties of head trauma. They'll be attacked for reasons their little brains can't even comprehend. These kids are headed someplace terrible, and we will not rubberneck their fateful journey by naming them here.
Rather, this news is the first we've heard of The Three Little Stooges, and we want to use this space to ask God why he's abandoned us, and to wonder out loud if there's a worse possible "little kid" reboot imaginable. We can't think of anything. Can you?
Jesus God, why?