New Miramax to Make Questionable Sequels with Old Miramax Bosses

Are you ready for SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE: THE SECOND FOLIO RISES, BAD SANTA: PIG IN THE CITY, and ROUNDERS 2: TOKYO GRIFT? The new management at Miramax are teaming with the company’s founders (The Weinstein Company) to make sequels and TV adaptations of various titles, in addition to collaborating on DVD/Blu-ray special features. Badass Digest has some suggestions if their ears are open.

Miramax sent out a press release just moments ago saying that they would be collaborating with The Weinstein company on sequels and TV adaptations of various titles, with Shakespeare in Love, Bad Santa, and Rounders named as specific targets for sequels. Bad Santa and Rounders seem logically possible, but Shakespeare makes about as much sense as a sequel to Gladiator or The English Patient. Do they press forth to Shakespeare meeting his second perfect and unique soul mate? Do they go with Shakespeare: The Bi-Curious Years?

Do they follow Gwyneth Paltrow’s character to the New World and spur complaints of “did you forget to add the Shakespeare into your Shakespeare movie?”. Making a sequel to Shakespeare only furthers the notion that it wasn’t a good enough movie to have beaten out Saving Private Ryan, Elizabeth (which did make sense to sequelize even though it didn’t work), Life is Beautiful, and The Thin Red Line for Best Picture.

“Possible” additional titles to be sequelized or adapted to TV?

Bridget Jones’ Diary
From Dusk Till Dawn
Shall We Dance
The Amityville Horror

This could lead to movies called Bridget Jones’ Diary: Beyond the Edge of Reason and Shall We Think You Can Dance?. I can’t get my head around how you either continue the story of Copland or make it into a TV show. I get that a sequel like Swingers Get a Hangover would be viewed as how Miramax gets into that market. They could make the DVD the “Vegas Baby Vegas! Edition”.

I enjoyed Clerks II, and Kevin Smith has openly talked about a far-off Clerks III: The Middle Age Years (my title, not his) for years now, so I hope we don’t get a TV show in the style of The Office.

Of the mentioned titles, I could absolutely see a TV show spring out of From Dusk Till Dawn, but I’m afraid they just plan to make yet another DTV sequel, called something like “From Dusk Till Dawn 4: Arizona Blood Money”. Vampire TV shows make money, and none of the existing ones involve lots of action.

While they’re at it, let’s make a sequel to The Grifters and use the cast of Gossip Girl. Here are some more bad ideas:

The Piano: Port of Call London
Phantoms 3D
Dirty Dancing 3D: San Juan Sunsets
Hellraiser: Deaderer

The release also mentions TWC and Miramax working together for DVD/Blu-ray special features like the highly-prized “roundtable interview”. I hope this doesn’t preclude Miramax from licensing titles like Pulp Fiction, A Hard Day’s Night, and Jackie Brown to an outfit like Criterion. I’ve long hoped that with it out of Harvey’s hands, the original director’s cut of All the Pretty Horses could see the light of day on Blu-ray. Now I’m worried.

Badass Digest commenters, show us your brilliance by sequelizing or pitching TV adaptations of Miramax titles in the comments. I’ll update the story later with the best of the bunch.