Shocking Evidence That Martha Stewart Could Be A Cannibal Or A Witch

Phil’s late night channel surfing turns up horrifying human remains… on the set of THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW.

Martha’s cheerful kitchen, accented with bowls of fresh fruit and stainless steel appliances, has a motherfucking human skull sitting on a scale.

For a minute, I wondered if I was watching a Halloween-themed rerun. To be sure, I backed it up and watched the whole hour. Nope. Not one mention, of Halloween or that skull. And the episode is about kitchen design!

She goes on and on about how to design and arrange one’s kitchen to be more attractive and efficient, all while the grinning rictus of death sits just behind her, never referenced.

Why on earth does Martha Stewart have a skull in her kitchen, and why does she seem to be weighing it?  Is this some cryptic message to the show’s producers, or her agent? An intimidation tactic Martha learned in the big house? Or is the answer as obvious as Martha serving up a sacrifice to her lord Samhain?

Too many questions. I like thought provoking entertainment, but I don’t need to lie awake at night wondering about the unholy domestic practices of Martha Stewart, or if I’m in danger after stumbling upon her dark arts. I’m going back to my DVR. It has Mr. Majestyk on it.