Sammy Hagar Was Abducted By Aliens

Why can’t this be love?, Sammy wondered as grey aliens plunged the depths of his colon.

We don’t usually do celebrity news here at Badass Digest, but I feel like the fact that the man behind Cabo Wabo Tequila and who mostly ruined Van Halen claims he was abducted by aliens really fits into our wheelhouse.

Hagar was giving an interview to MTV to promote his new memoir when he revealed something he left out of the  book: he’s been contacted by ETs. Here’s the relevant portion of the interview:

It sounds like you really want to talk about this stuff. So why aren’t there more UFO stories in Red?

Joel Selvin, the guy who did all the interviews for this book and really made it happen, he talked me out of it. He’d be like, “Aw, people don’t want to hear that shit.” He’s always been a wise-ass. He’s a prick, and he’s very blunt, and he was great for me, because he really kept me under control.

Okay, let’s just cut to the chase. I’m just going to come out and ask it. Have you ever been abducted by aliens?

I think I have.

What? Really? I was kidding. You seriously believe that?

[Laughs.] Now you’re making me sound like a crazy person.

How is that crazy? I wasn’t there, I don’t know what happened to you.

Remember the story in the book, where I have a dream about being contacted by aliens in the foothills above Fontana?

Yeah, yeah, I’ve got the page right here. “I saw a ship and two creatures inside of this ship… And they were connected to me, tapped into my mind through some kind of mysterious wireless connection.” You’re telling me that wasn’t a dream?

That’s right. It was real. [Aliens] were plugged into me. It was a download situation. This was long before computers or any kind of wireless. There weren’t even wireless telephones. Looking back now, it was like, “Fuck, they downloaded something into me!” Or they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment. “See what this guy knows.”

And this actually happened?

That happened. That friggin’ happened, I’ll tell you right now. Another thing happened when I was about four that I didn’t put into the book. One time I saw what I considered to be, well, at the time I thought it was a car with no wheels. We lived out in the country and I saw this thing floating across a field, creating this big dust storm. I threw rocks at it and shit. And I don’t know what happened after that.

You blacked out?

I guess. I just have no memory of it. And that wasn’t a dream. It was during daylight.

I can understand your apprehension. Alien abduction is a tough sell.

Especially back a few decades ago, when this stuff happened to me. I couldn’t talk about it because I didn’t know how to explain it. I didn’t understand the technology. But now I’m pretty sure it was a wireless situation. Either a download or upload. They were tapped into my brain and the knowledge was transferred back and forth. I could see them and everything while it was happening. There was a visual involved, almost like … I don’t know. [Laughs.] Don’t get me going!

Now we all have to face the possibility that Can’t Drive 55 is some kind of mathematical message from Sirius.

Read the entire interview, much of which is about having sex with groupies, here.