This weekend the American Museum of Natural History is releasing a much anticipated exhibition of the world’s largest dinosaurs, sauropods, notable for their outrageous size and of course the most impressive title of largest animal ever to live on land.
I’d half expect a Slate article to address the ongoing paleontological debate regarding the possibility of a second brain in the hip region of their spinal cord (some say it controls the hind quarters while others see it as nothing more than a bum, inexplicable enlargement). See also: snooze fest.
Thankfully, the Explainer’s Brian Palmer leaves that to the experts and tackles a far more titillating query: How did these colossal creatures copulate?
What I really mean is, how did they bang?
“Unfortunately, we know almost nothing about the size of other, more intimate dinosaur parts. The ratio of penis length to body size varies so widely among dinosaur relatives that it’s hard to make a solid guess about a dinosaur’s endowment. Some ducks, for example, are just a couple of feet long, but have 7-inch penises. On the other hand, crocodiles that grow to 15 feet sport just a 4-inch organ. If you applied those ratios to the 40-foot-long body of a Tyrannosaurus Rex, you’d get a penis of anywhere between 10 inches and 12 feet.”
I’ll add that it’d be remiss of you to pass up the exceptional opportunity to get a load of (huh huh) Mamenchisaurus, so make a trip there this weekend if you’re in the NYC area.
[Note from Devin: To see how humans might bang dinos, click this NSFW link]