New RPG Scents Allow You To Smell (Even More) Like Someone Who Doesn’t Get Laid

When you really want to get into character as a Chaotic Neutral dwarf fighter, Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs has you covered (And BTW, it’ll take you four scents to capture that character).

By Apr. 21, 2011

I’ve been a pen and paper RPGer. I pored over Dungeon Masters Guides and Monster Manuals. I’ve freed kingdoms from evil wizards and been kicked out of a party for insisting that my male half-elf be allowed to make a Charisma check when trying to seduce a male paladin*. But I would never, ever, want to smell like a dwarf. And definitely not like an orc. Or even a fighter.

But there are some people who might. And Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, whose ‘RPG Series’ of scents is inspired by, but not licensed from, D&D. So while they have scents for all the races and classes and even alignments (!), they’re not ‘official.’

These are the same folks who make Hellboy scents and Neil Gaiman scents; I imagine this is why convention floors smell so very, very bad. As for the RPG series, they have some doozies. Here are their scent descriptions:

DWARF
Iron filings and chips of stone, Styrian Golding hops, and soot-covered leather.

HALFLING
Porridge, kukui nuts, and pastry crumbs.

ORC
Field grey courgette musk, roughly cured leather, and vetiver.

FIGHTER
Leather, musk, blood, and steel.

RANGER
Untamed wilderness: buckskin accord with Terebinth pine, Russian birch, black ironwood, elder bark, hay, armoise, juniper, patchouli, galangal root, Spanish moss, and cabreuva.

NEUTRAL
A flawless skin musk.

CHAOTIC
A whirling mélange of multicolored musks with wasabi, rooibos, heliotrope, and mastic.

GOOD
Shimmering celestial musk with vanilla, white honey, acacia, and sugar cane.

EVIL
Smouldering opium tar, tobacco absolute, green tea, black plum, kush, ambergris accord, ambrette seed, and costus root.

For more scents, visit their page.

* the DM allowed it, I won and fucked the paladin. And then I was thrown out of the group.

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