Yo ho ho and a bottle of fuck you!
The big beast in theaters this weekend is Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, the truly dismal fourth entry in the mega-successful Pirates franchise. And just like real pirates, this film aims to steal your money and take your daughter’s anal virginity. Read my review of this rancid shit here.
Also opening is Woody Allen’s latest, Midnight in Paris - and this is going to sound pretty bad for me professionally, but this is the first I heard it was coming out so soon. I’m actually at a point where I don’t know what the hell Woody is up to anymore. And I’m apparently not on Sony Pictures Classic’s press screening list. Maybe I’ll have a chance to check it out this weekend, but with the Reel Grit Six Shooter tomorrow it seems doubtful. You guys go and tell me how it is.
That’s it! Not much happening in cinema this week; I recommend taking the weekend off or catching up with Bridesmaids if you’re a bad human and missed it last week. Which brings me to the second installment of the Summer Movie Rankings! Drumroll, please…
The Tree of LifeFast FiveThorPirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
I suspect Pirates stays right at the bottom for a long time. I’ve seen next week’s big release and I can tell you this secret: we’ll have our first tie next weekend! What spot will The Hangover Part II share with another film? Guesses below.