Remember the documentary Zoo, about guys who get fucked by horses and specifically good old Mr. Hands, who got fucked to death by a horse? What a way to go! At least if you have to die by being perforated by a huge raging horse boner you should inspire a pretty good documentary, which he did. Godspeed, Mr. Hands, and may the fields of heaven be filled with randy stallions who have manageable members.
Anyway, with Kevin James Zookeeper opening this weekend (a movie where the beast known as Hollywood fucks YOU, the audience!), I wanted to share this story that I think might make a good follow up doc to Zoo. A Zoo 2, if you will:
A woman in Ireland died from an allergic reaction to a dog. Well, more specifically to dog semen. And even more specifically than that, dog semen that the dog had inserted deep inside her vagina using his red slimy dog dick. Yes, it’s not as obviously cinematic as a horse getting up in your guts (literally) but this woman was killed by her bestiality.
The woman, a 43 year old mother of four (!!!), met the owner of the Alsatian in question via a bestiality chat room. She came over his house for some semi-consensual intercourse with the dog (the question of whether a dog can give consent in a case like this is one that will likely haunt ethicists for generations), and then she started feeling ill. She died a half hour later and the dog with the deadly spooge has been kept in quarantine since. I’m assuming you’re okay around the dog as long as you maintain your self control and manage to keep yourself from presenting your private parts to it.
Anyway, the owner of the dog was charged with the best criminal charge of the week: buggery contrary to Section 61 of the Offences against the Person Act of 1861. He’s the first person in Ireland ever charged with that, which is too bad because being charged with contrary buggery sounds AMAZING. Down side: if he’s found guilty he will go to jail for life, which sounds pretty crazy. He didn’t make the lady fuck the dog, he just facilitated it. He should be charged with pimping a pup, I think.
Anyway, here’s your story for Zoo 2, director Robinson Devor. Failing that, maybe Kevin James can work this into Zookeeper 2.