If you were a fantasy movie nerd in the 80s, it was something of a Golden Age for you: the rise of Dungeons and Dragons, bitchin’ van murals, and new highs in practical effects helped birth a slew of sword & sorcery movies on which to gorge yourself. By the same token, if you WEREN’T into the fantasy thing, the 80s really helped you figure that shit out once and for all. And in the 80s, I learned I was not a fantasy nerd. Planet of the Apes? YES. Original Star Trek? I devoured the 78 episodes over and over every midnight on my black and white TV (followed by The Twilight Zone at 1AM, RUINING my high school grades). As I hit my teens I became a pretty hardcore gorehound, and Carpenter, Cronenberg and Romero became my gateways to loving filmmaking in general.
There were exceptions/crossovers (Conan the Barbarian, Big Trouble In Little China), but fantasy never grabbed hold of me the way it did my friends. And if any movie proved that to me once and for all in the 80s, it was Legend. The director of Alien and Blade Runner, tackling elves and goblins? The mind reeled, but I gave it a whirl. I was intrigued by Rob Bottin’s makeup for Tim Curry, but couldn’t bring myself to give a shit about the film’s plot, characters, or universe. It just wasn’t my bag.
None of that ever stopped my friends and family from unloading anything movie-related on me, regardless of genre. My buddy Jeff’s dad ran the Strathmore Twin, where we saw Evil Dead 2 and other great 80s staples. And Jeff was cool enough to hand me piles of one-sheets when the theater was done with them. Some are treasured (The Fly); some met terrible ends (I gave Psycho III to my nephew during his teen goth horror phase, and he cut it up into a collage for his wall, mixed in with some Slipknot and Marilyn Manson shit); some are missing (where the FUCK is my Big Trouble In Little China poster?). And some are just taking up space. Legend, you are an awesomely painted one-sheet featuring Tim Curry, Mia Sara and an Elfed-up Tom Cruise, but you are not for me. Get out of my house.
Want it? Tweet a link to this article with the hashtag #uncollecting and I’ll choose a winner at random. US residents only for now (unless you want to pay postage, then have at it!)