TV Review: TRUE BLOOD 4.6 “I Wish I Was The Moon”

True Blood got super dramatic last week, and maintained it’s ability to be frustrating and perfectly entertaining at the same time. How do they do it?!

DISCLAIMER: Yes this review is super late and probably pointless to post as it’s basically Friday but I made myself commit to reviewing every episode so goddamnit I’m doing it! I just couldn’t let True Blood down like that. Also, per request (and necessity), I am limiting my exclamation points. Until I get to the sexy stuff. Or the scary stuff. I can’t promise anything at that point. xoxo

I’d like to start this post by commending whichever commenter said “Now that Tommy is a skinwalker…” and followed up with something I can’t remember. I didn’t even put that shit together! Sure, I try to keep my theorizing down other than “Jason’s going to start having wet dreams about Jessica” (I’m going to go ahead and apologize for using the phrase “wet dreams” … twice … gross) but that one went right over my head. But I’ll be damned—Tommy is a skinwalker. That’s actually a fun bit of mythology I’m glad they added into the show. I mean, I wish they had given the cool powers to someone other than Tommy “I’m a selfish little bitch” Mickens, but I’ll takes what I can gets. But seriously, kid’s got the powers for one day and how does he abuse it? By screwing up all of Sam’s relationships. After everyone speaks so highly of Sam, and Tommy so desperately wants to be him, he just destroys it all. What a dick.

Speaking of dicks, let’s talk about Bill “Cock Block” Compton (That name really suits him. Just say it out loud. It fits really nicely together). Sookie and Eric were getting all hot and heavy and he just busts in there and ruins everything. And when did he become such a drama queen? Getting all stabby cause Eric “cohorted with your human.” And calling him outside to execute him on the full moon, but pussying out? Worst King ever, amirite? Seriously though, thanks for not killing Eric, Bill. I mean, you obviously wouldn’t, you’re way too big of a puss, but I just want to say thanks anyway. He’s like – waaaay better than you. In life. And everything.

I’m worried about Pam, you guys. Girlfriend is not looking too good. She’s still got the ‘tude, fortunately, but she’s losing a whole lot of her swagger. Rightly so – she lost everything she knows when Eric lost his memory. She’s without her other half. Oh my god – they’re getting all The Notebook up in here! She’s going to have to tell him all the stories of his youth over and over and hope he remembers! Shit. I cried a lot watching The Notebook. They better abort this, and quick.

It’s starting to look like Demon Baby isn’t really a demon baby after all. Some may be disappointed by this, but not I. Plus, it’s kind of looking like Rene may not be involved at all. Demon Baby (okay, it’s not like I’m just going to stop calling him that and calling him … Mikey? … isn’t that his name? Yeah that’s not going to work for me) looks like he just has a dead witch spirit as a nanny. No big deal. Isn’t she someone we’ve seen before? Lafayette’s great grandmother’s someone? Is that racist? Whoever she is, she’s super pissed at that family for some reason. I get being annoyed at Arlene, but Terry’s just trying so damn hard to keep that shit together. Somebody give that guy a break! At least his pet armadillo is still alive.

And poor Jason Stackhouse. He doesn’t even get to turn into a shitty CGI human-werepanther-crossbreed! Now that I am a little disappointed in. I mean, I like that the show is focusing more on the witches, cause that story line is getting pretty intense (and rapey), but did they really just have the methheads of hot shot lead up to nothing? This is another opportunity that True Blood has had to go way over the top, but they stop short. I suppose I should view that as maturity, and perhaps the show’s getting a little sensitive with everyone saying, “Seriously, True Blood? Seriously?” The conversation between Jason and Jessica was pretty cute. Her talking him down from a panic attack, and being all excited about her abilities. Adorable.

I actually really like Deborah Ann Woll. I absolutely hated Jessica when she first popped into the show, but DAW has made her grow on me. Her explanation of feeling like a vampire instead of a human is really appealing. So much so, that I half expect to see Jason ask to be turned. That would be insane, actually. If they opted for Jason Stackhouse: Vampire instead of Jason Stackhouse: Genetically Handicapped Werepanther? I doubt it, but that’d be weird. They are like one episode away from a mega-makeout sesh. Aw. Poor Hoyt.

I love how most of this episode takes place in the woods. Like it’s just a normal day in the neighborhood. Carrying a shotgun. Crossing paths with Debbie Pelt and not lowering said shotgun. Fucking every crazy hot Viking vampire that comes your way. Just right there. On the ground. On this perfectly lit patch of grass. Super naked. …

Meanwhile, crazy magic grandpa is crazy. And terrifying. And OH MY GOD DEMON FACE. Fucking shit, you guys. Did he just throw that fucking snake on his grandchild?! What the fuuuuccckk. Oh wait, it’s totally cool. Tio Luca is here. And he makes Lafayette speak really good Spanish. Schwoo. We made it…

Back to the witches – Fiona Shaw just gets better and better as Marnie. Unfortunately, she can’t stick around unless we want all of our favorite vampires to catch on fire. And I, for one, do not. Except for the rapey one. He can go.

Let’s talk Most Ridiculous Moment for a second. First, I’m sure I’ve mentioned this, but I am a humongous baby when it comes to crying at sad scenes or being too anxious to watch scary stuff. So when Bill got all dramatic and brought Eric out to be executed and the sad violin music started and Eric said this bullshit:

“Sookie. Tell her that I was born the night she found me. And because of her, I went to my true death knowing what it means to love. Tell her, thank you.”

… I was crying like a bitch. It’s so cheesy, yet I’m so vulnerable to it. It’s infuriating.  Yet it’s kind of exactly how they talk in the books. Absolutely ridiculous. So fuck that.

Actually, Bill standing on his balcony with a glass of wine and the Dawson’s Creek-esque jam that started up – that’s a close tie for second.

I love it.