TV Review: TRUE BLOOD 4.8-4.10

Were you lost at all? If so, lucky for you, True Blood has decided to explain everything twice and make the show extra lazy.

I’d like to start with an apology. I discovered Doctor Who on Netflix Instant and immediately stopped caring about True Blood. To be fair, when any series puts five seasons of the show in an easily viewable place, it’s super easy to get sucked in. Also, turns out Doctor Who is amazing. Why didn’t anyone tell me?!

Anyway, I got bored with True Blood. These last few episodes were just not that awesome. Even the sex wasn’t that sexy. It’s kind of old hat at this point. How dare True Blood make sex dull. And for anyone who has read the books, way to fail on the shower scene. What the hell was that weird winter wonderland thing? Why was Alexander Skarsgard so giddy? He’s much better when he’s brooding. That shower was supposed to be epic.

Let’s talk about how the Demon Baby plot line was completely pointless. It was just a tease. Did they think we wouldn’t get the whole “Lafayette is a medium” thing without it? It was just a sad woman who lost her baby. Sure, it gave Lafayette a sassy lady moment, and he got to say “You got it, bitch,” but is that it? Is Demon Baby fine now? I guess the spirit lit their house on fire because… nope, I don’t know why. I don’t get it. She wanted them dead so she could take her baby back? Maybe. “Now your spirit is looking for a way back, and since my boyfriend is a medium, you found it by entering his body.” Oh my god, Jesus, we understand. You don’t have to explain it again.

Andy Bellefleur’s only contribution to the entire season has been this line: “Jesus, tits and God America, Jason. What the fuck is happenin’ to me?!” Whether that’s enough to make up for him being a really obnoxious addict this entire season is debatable.

Sookie went from weird snow sex with Eric and a lame “all is possible” stoner rant, to drinking Bill’s blood and having a threesome dream that was, to be honest, also totally disappointing. How do they invest so much into the fantasy lameness, but cop out when it comes to a potentially hot threesome. I don’t even like Bill/Stephen Moyer at all, but seriously. Come on. Anyway, Eric got his memories back and became hot and broody again, BUT then Sookie was like just kidding! I still love Bill! And the world collectively gave an exhausted sigh of frustration. Ugh.

Alcide is not being used effectively. All he’s portrayed as is a bad boyfriend who’s good at punching and flip-flopping on his decisions. And we get it, dude. You are positive that Sookie would be so much better off without her vampire brigade, but it’s just not gonna happen. And Debbie’s obvious upcoming treachery is just taking too long. And ew, Marcus over Alcide, are you shitting me? Jesus. Anyone who says “You just pissed on the wrong boots, my friend” is a huge douche.

Even the Hoyt/Jessica/Jason triangle is boring. Jessica has just turned into a total melodramatic teenager, Hoyt is a bummer when he’s depressed, and Jason just keeps trying to run away. Sure, he gets distracted by having sex with Jessica a little bit, but then he runs again. Also, did they just get over the Ghost Daddy thing? That’d be hilarious if it just never came back. Jessica crying to Nan was pretty funny though.

The witch thing is fading out. Marnie is now leading the operation apparently, and Antonia isn’t the crazy bitch after all. Sure, she hates vampires, but she doesn’t like killing all that much. Marnie, however, has lost her shit and made a bunch of folks disappear. If they disappear to faery land, I will absolutely kill someone. I don’t know why or how they would do that, but lately it seems like they’re being dumb with their plots, so fair warning guys: no more faery land.

What I’m sure will happen is they all get sucked into the Moon Goddess Emporium, Antonia pops outta Marnie and into Lafayette, and they have some sort of rockin’ witch battle. The battle may or may not be rockin’, but I think we deserve it!

What’s the best thing that came out of these last three episodes? Tommy died. He wasn’t even my most hated at that point, but honestly they have to start getting rid of some characters, and he had to go. It was sad, sure, and his death means that Marcus will probably die at the hands of Sam, which may make Sam less annoying. Good things will come of this. Sorry, bro.

That said, I’m a little bummed we won’t get more skinwalker stuff. Tommy is annoying as hell, don’t get me wrong, but every time he shifts it’s an actor trying to impersonate Tommy trying to impersonate the actor. Think about having to direct those folks with that logic. Mindblowing.

Okay, trying to condense three episodes into one review inevitably means I skimmed over some stuff, but if there was something else that I should weigh in on, let me know in the comments. In the meantime, I’m gonna hope that they finish off the season with a bang (rockin’ witch battle) rather than a wimper (faery land), and then I’m gonna rave about how great of a show Doctor Who is.

Oh, and here’s that great Les Savy Fav song that plays in the credits of the episode two Sundays ago. I love it: Les Savy Fav \“Let\‘s Get Out of Here\”