The Week In Fake Movie News: Oscar Edition

The world of the Oscars is severely shaken up this week.

This week in fake movie news...

*Brett Ratner scored a lot of points against the gay community this week by announcing that "rehearsing is for fags." This comments had many effects. For one, all men who identified themselves as fags were forced to examine their feelings on rehearsing. Those who found they weren't for it had to tell all their friends, family, and lovers that they were no longer fags.

Additionally, all directors who spend a great amount of time rehearsing before shoots were forced to examine their own sexuality and had to tell their friends, family, and lovers that they were now fags.

But the biggest fallout was reserved for Ratner himself, who was forced to quit his job as producer of this year's Oscars production due to a conflict between their strict rehearsal policy and Ratner's strict not a fag policy.

The Oscar production will now be produced by Brian Glazer, which means the telecast will have the hair of the first lesbian you ever met and the face of your youngest great-grandfather.

Eddie Murphy, Brett Ratner's handpicked host, has decided to walk away from his position as well. For those that don't know, Eddie Murphy is an actor who used to be a funny actor. Although the common assumption was that Murphy dropped out due to the loss of Ratner, the actor claimed that he'd been planning to quit since day one, and the timing was a mere coincidence. When asked why he'd want to give up the highly popular award show, he replied that the idea of people watching him in any capacity made him sick. These shakeups also had a negative effect of both Ratner and Murphy's film careers, as audiences angered by the duo made a unified decision to go one week back in time and not see their new film Tower Heist.

The Oscars will now be hosted by Harold and Kumar. Harold promises a good, clean show that doesn't run into overtime or offend anyone. Kumar nodded. But he kind of over-nodded, so many are assuming his nod was sarcastic, like how both of them nodded when asked if they respected rehearsals.

Meanwhile, Eddie Murphy is in talks to make a Beverly Hills Cop TV show starring Murphy as Axel Foley and Brett Ratner as Balki.

Other than all that, nothing much happened this week.