The New Optimism Fails: Tim Burton And RDJ May Do PINOCCHIO

Critical failure in New Optimism core! Unable to find designate 'Positive Side!' Initiating core dump before meltdown!

I love the movies. I love sitting in a movie theater and being engulfed in the world onscreen. I love being among other people, hearing them react to the film. I love sitting at home, feeling all distractions fall away as a movie truly engages me. I love the way cinema brings us together, the way it tells us amazing stories, the way it transports us, mind and soul. 

And then I hear that Tim Burton is going to make a live action Pinocchio, and that Robert Downey Jr is going to be Gepetto and I just want to get into football or something.

The real pain here is that I liked both of these guys. I used to really, really like Burton's work, and a recent revisit of Edward Scissorhands proved that I was RIGHT to like his work back in the day. And Robert Downey Jr - remember the thrill when he came back in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and then the frisson when he nailed a return to movie stardom with Iron Man? It was great!

But Burton keeps churning out terrible, awful, predictable movies. And Downey has settled into one mode - smug guy - and stuck with it to the point where hearing his voice has begun putting my teeth on edge. Both of these guys were once shining beacons on a movie marquee, but lately they have been like the warning beam of a lighthouse above a rocky coast. 

When I launched BAD I wanted to approach movie coverage with The New Optimism - we'd find the positive side of things. Hollywood makes that so very, very hard. All I'm coming up with here is 'At least it isn't Johnny Depp,' but he's probably going to mocap perform the puppet or something. What's especially disspiriting is that Pinocchio is just Tim Burton 101 - magical story about having father issues. We get it already. 

The film has a script by Bryan Fuller, and it's all from Gepetto's POV, as he attempts to find the missing Pinocchio. The movie is set up at Warner Bros, but there's a lot of scheduling issues to be worked out, so we may be spared it yet. Also, Downey has a real tendency to get quite close to films and drop out (Oz, Cowboys & Aliens), so this could all evaporate. Of course he could see it as a way to do a different version of smug guy - with white hair! - so he may stick around.

If this fllm is made I do hope it's good. I don't want to dread movies from these guys. I like(d) these guys. They gave me great times at the movies. I want to trust them.

Thanks to Luca.