Holy S***! New G****** Device Removes The F*** Out Of Foul Language On Your TV!
Watching television is a slippery slope for the righteous. Like everyone else in your community, you crave the vanilla entertainment provided by a rote, risk-free situation comedy, but it seems you can't get through a single episode of The World According To Jim without a sewer of profanity oozing from the otherwise family-safe antics of the show.
What to do? Head over to TV Guardian, where modern science has invented a way to deliver the middle-of-the-road content you crave, but without any of the horrible profanity forbidden by your maker.
It seems too good to be true. A whole episode of godless TV, rendered fit for consumption? HOW does this magical box work? The device (about the size of a cable box, so you can put it where your cable receiver would have gone, if you allowed that kind of filth in your home) reads the closed-captioning signal included in most broadcasts and DVDs, and mutes the offending word just as it's about to be uttered! Even better, the filter will REPLACE the offending word in the caption window with something more suitable for your eyes.
And while God's word is law, with TV Guardian you can interpret it as you see fit with three easy settings, ranging from "Strict" to "Tolerant." But enough of my yappin'; here's a demo!