Smell Like Sulu

As geeks age, the things marketed to them get a little weird.

Every so often I get an email from Entertainment Earth, a collectibles site which offers comics, action figures, model kits and the like. But I've noticed lately that they're aiming older - not just in price tag (a $400+, metal prop replica of The Man With The Golden Gun's titular weapon was tempting) but also in content, delivering left-field tie-ins, ostensibly aimed at middle-aged men, that crack me up. One weird deviation from the "expensive toy" category is a line of perfumes which, one hopes, are designed as gag gifts. There are scents for each member of the upcoming Avengers film (it's easy to imagine lonely nerds huffing the purported odor of Scarlett Johansson's Black Widow character; it's more of a challenge to guess what "Angry" smells like).

In the past couple years, they've also released a number of  Star Trek-themed colognes; my favorite so far is Sulu Pour Homme (Sulu For Men to you and me), a distinctive fragrance described as "...the perfect cologne for the man who does everything, whether that be cataloging exotic plants, collecting antique firearms, or piloting ancient helicopters and advanced starships. It's more than just choosing to live your life with style; Sulu dives straight to the soul and allows you to release your own Intergalactic Man of Mystery, that jaunty, fearless swashbuckler of a man who, whether he's wielding a rapier in a swordfight or commanding an Excelsior-class starship, is always ready for action." 

If you're not okay to smell like Takei, other offerings include Shirtless Kirk (which is definitely way less homoerotic), Red Shirt ("Because Tomorrow May Never Come"), and most intriguingly, Pon Farr for women. As old-school Trekkies know, Pon Farr is the period in which Vulcans must mate or die. So, there you have it - the smell of Spock's wife in heat. Strange times, friends.