Only the heat death of the universe can save us at this point.

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie is a terrible, awful movie. But it isn't one of those properties I look at and go, 'Gosh, it's too bad they fucked up that film, because it totally could have been something special.' See, because it's based on a trading card series that parodies dolls*.

Now there's a new Garbage Pail Kids movie coming, for some reason. Michael Eisner, who once brought Disney to new heights, is behind this new version. His company, The Tornante Company, bought Topps a few years ago and the Garbage Pail Kids came along. This is his first property spinning off from trading cards.

One of the few charms of the original Garbage Pail Kids Movie is John Carl Buechler's gross creations. A new version would almost certainly be filled with digital kids, right? That alone makes it seem pointless.

* Always keep this in mind next time you think that an adaptation of a board game is a new low.