10 Reasons The New Tyler Perry Trailer Blows my Mind

Thanks to Tyler Perry, Sam Strange no longer has any brain.

The first full trailer for Tyler Perry's newest Madea movie came out today. I find it amazing for several reasons, all of which I have listed below:

*Madea's hair is really long, while Joe's hair is shorter. Also, she and Joe seem to have a completely new type of plastic makeup covering their faces.

*Eugene Levy. Tom Arnold. Denise Richards. Everybody Loves Raymond's Mom. Tyler Perry is going back to the white well to fish for mainstream acceptance for the first time since The Family that Preys. Just like all Christians, his cultural barometer appears to have a ten year lag (See also: The Financial Crisis).

*Just as Tyler Perry wants to branch out, Madea's branching out as well by leaving Atlanta for the first time ever. Hopefully people's reactions to her lead to lots of moments where Tyler Perry's extreme self-ignorance almost reads as self-awareness if you squint.

*I love Madea and think she's really funny. But even I don't think these jokes work. Well, maybe the pat-down bit. The last Madea movie was the funniest one yet, so it would only make sense for this one to be really bad. Tyler Perry has this kind of Sylvester Stallone thing where every good deed is followed by a pile of shit that tries to get by on premise alone.

*Brian (the Tyler Perry that actually looks like Tyler Perry) looks like he might play a bigger role than normal in this film. I bet you $1,000,000 his junkie wife and probably now-grown children from Diary of a Mad Black Woman fail to make an appearance.

*Maybe it's just the lighting, but Madea's kitchen look like it swelled to twice the size it used to be. Also, her house is suddenly very orange. (I'm colorblind, so it might just look orange to me. It's definitely much darker that it ever has been.)

*A girl throws a pillow at Madea and she makes a surprised dog noise. She also makes that noise in I Can Do Bad All by Myself. I just got done pointing it out in my book today, and here it is again!

*The joke at the end about how expensive chicken wings are in New York is nearly indecipherable, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't make sense. This is the kicker joke in the film's trailer.

*Tyler Perry films don't adhere to typical narrative structures, so it's anyone's guess how much time Madea spends in New York. It's either the whole last half or the last twenty minutes. I put my bets on the latter. If she doesn't interact with at least one bum, I want my money back.

*Tyler Perry's depiction of the mafia is going to be fucking priceless. All we get here is a shadowy dude walking away from a scared Eugene Levy, but I'm sure it will be a literal embarrassment of riches. If Madea confronts Mafia wiseguys I will shit my pants right there in the theater.

So there you have it. Feel free to pity me if you must, but I'm balls to the wall excited to see this. It opens June 29th, so hopefully it's still in theaters when I finally get back to America this July. (I live in Taiwan, a country that has no idea what a Tyler Perry is.)