Kevin Smith Finally Scrapes The Bottom Of The Barrel

CLERKS III goes from a hypothetical joke to a real one.

We are a negative site that only gains pleasure from laughing at bad filmmakers who are probably nice people in real life, so of course we're going to have something to say about Kevin Smith's Twitter announcement that his new last film will be Clerks III.

See, Smith's last film was going to be a hockey epic called Hit Somebody, but then that became a television miniseries, which means Kevin Smith could still make one more movie without being called a liar. That requires some serious smartass logic, though, slyly insinuating a shruggy "Hey, man. I didn't say the last movie had to be Hit Somebody" as well as a shruggy, "Hey, man. When I said last movie, I meant theatrical."

And of course, this new last film will be another entry into the lives of Dante and Randall, two severely unlikable characters who become stranger and stranger movie leads with each iteration. Last time we had to wiggle uncomfortably as Dante kissed not only Kevin Smith's wife, but Rosario Dawson. Maybe this time, he'll get to make out with someone even more unbelievable and out of his league, like Princess Di.

Whatever the movie is about, it seems doubtful this notion for a Clerks III sprang from a story Smith is just dying to tell. Whatever Dante, Randal, Jay and Silent Bob get up to this time, it has more to do with name recognition and a false idea of buttoning up legacy than any actually good ideas.

Seriously, though, with this announcement, Kevin Smith has officially outrun satire, and I kind of can't wait to pay money to see Clerks III. Snootch.