Happy Kwanzaa Cake!

Today is the first day of Kwanzaa, the weeklong celebration of African heritage that honors seven fundamental values: collective responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, unity, self-determination, creativity and faith. The holiday was created in 1966 by Maulana Karenga, a Professor of Africana Studies at Cal State Long Beach. The name comes from the Swahili first fruit celebration “matunda ya kwanza.”

And in deference to this rich tradition, Food Network's Sandra Lee - or as we like to call her, WalMartha Stewart - made this hideous, disgusting, magnificently stupid Kwanzaa Cake. I watch this video several times a year because I enjoy feeling superior to Food Network personalities, and I thought I'd share it with you all today.

The Kwanzaa cake is made up of the following ghastly components: pre-made angel food cake, already one of the grossest ingredients on the planet, smeared with store bought frosting in a can, one of the other grossest ingredients on the planet. The can is then stuffed with canned apple pie filling, which is actually the single grossest ingredient on the planet. And then it's decorated with absurdly oversized taper candles, pumpkin seeds and, for some godforsaken reason, CORN NUTS, because this chick is batshit loonynuts insane.

The Miami New Times attempted this culinary travesty and documented their predictably horrific results yesterday.

Happy Kwanzaa, and enjoy!