In Meredith's recap of the GIRLS Season Two premiere, she asked me an important question: "What are your feelings on emojis?" If I could actually use emojis on BAD, I would respond with a pink heart, a trophy and two beer mugs clinking together. Because sometimes, emojis are the only way to perfectly express complicated human emotions.
Meredith, you also inquired about my hopes for Marnie and my opinion on Hannah's treatment of Adam, and I had to revise my answers on both after watching the second episode, which, bee tee dubs, totally blew me away. Perhaps it's because I've already come to know and love (most of) the characters, but the second season already feels like it's crushing its predecessor. The emotional complexity and awkward honesty are still in full force, but this new layer of exuberant humor and playful sassiness makes everything feel sharper and more stimulating. Even if the rest of the season is only half as good as "I Get Ideas," we're in for a fantastic ride.
The episode begins just after Elijah admits to his boyfriend George that he had almost-sex with Marnie. ("It was two and a half pumps, and then I lost my boner.") George breaks up with him, and Elijah is probably more sad about the loss of a sugar daddy than a boyfriend. As Hannah hilariously exer-dances in her room next door, Elijah decides to keep the whole thing a secret from her. Yeah, because that's going to end well.
Later that night, Hannah (in a super comfy sleeping bag coat) and Elijah watch angsty videos of Adam singing about how Hannah destroyed his heart. It's kind of funny, but mostly just sad and creepy. Elijah points out that "It's scary with all of the tools behind him," and Hannah is starting to get genuinely paranoid. "I know that I always said he was murdery in a sexy way but what if he's murdery in like a murder way?" And yes, it's hard not to just quote the entire episode in this recap because they were all THAT GOOD. Hannah attempts to shake off the videos by reminding herself that she's dating a normal, healthy guy, Sandy (Donald Glover), although unfortunately, he's a Republican. Elijah tries to argue with her about it, but she silences him with another great line: "I always march to the beat of my own drummer. Ever since I cut my camp shirt into a halter top." They snuggle together, and I thank the show for making them roommates because they are the CUTEST! I suspect these halcyon days won't last long, so I'm trying to soak it up as much as I can before these two roomies end up hating each other. (At least we know their fights will be AMAZING, because they're both professional drama queens.)
Speaking of nothing gold can stay, Hannah and Sandy share an adorbs Bring It On moment of brushing their teeth together, and even Elijah's baiting of Sandy's politics can't ruin their lovey dovey mood. Says Hannah, "People are different. Like, you were with George for a very long time, and he's still on Hotmail." Unfortunately, Sandy still hasn't read Hannah's essay that she shared with him, and after some urging from Jessa, Hannah confronts him about it. This results in the best scene of the episode, in which Hannah attacks Sandy's beliefs and ends up revealing herself as the ignorant one in the relationship. She can't handle his criticism, so she decides to "open up a dialogue" about gay marriage, gun control and minorities on death row. Ah yes, this is the Hannah I remember from Season One. Sandy accuses her of fetishizing him as a black man, and she claims she never thought about him being black. "I don't live in a world where there are divisions like that." SERIOUSLY? I can't tell who's more upset, Sandy or me. It's disappointing to hear Hannah claim to be "colorblind," but I love that the show uses her idiocy to highlight the fallacy of such a misguided statement. With the perfect juxtaposition of humor and uncomfortable honesty, it's a scene that embodies the greatness of GIRLS and gives us this amazing exchange:
Hannah: Why don't you lay this thing down, flip it and reverse it because I don't think it's very nice.
Sandy: You just said a Missy Elliot lyric.
Hannah: I don't know who that is.
Of course, Sandy demands that Hannah leave, and because she can't help herself, she has to ask if he still wants to have sex anyway. The answer, obviously, is no. I'm guessing this is the end of Donald Glover's stint on GIRLS, and while I'm sad to see him go, I'm grateful for the gift of that dynamite scene.
After the break-up, Hannah (in super cute PJs!) lies in bed and tries to cut her bangs using a YouTube video. (Bangs are so in, you guys. I mean, did you see Michelle Obama's new ones? AMAZE!) She gets a text from Adam saying that he's downstairs, and so she hurriedly turns off her light and lies, terrified, in the darkness. Is Adam crazy enough to break into her apartment? No, actually, he just uses the key she gave him and scares the shizz out of her. He apologizes for writing the songs, but it's clear that he's on a mission to get her back and re-secure his manhood. Hannah sneakily calls 911 but hangs up before it connects. (Or so she thinks.) What follows is an exchange that careens from funny to heartbreaking, and even though I believe that Hannah is making the right choice, I wish there was a way to let Adam down easy. But he's Adam, so of course, nothing about this can be easy. She ends up pushing him into the door while yelling "GO AWAY!" over and over again, and it made me feel awful for both of them. Just before my heart completely cracked, the cops show up to investigate the 911 hang-up, and Adam, who has two unpaid parking tickets and an ignored summons for public urination (not surprising), gets carted off to jail. Hannah is left behind on the stairwell, and while she feels guilty, she also looks incredibly relieved. I feel the same way.
That ending brings me back to one of Meredith's original questions, about Hannah's treatment of Adam. The thing is, I wish she was nicer to him, but I understand why she can't be. Adam doesn't operate in a rational realm, and if Hannah tried to let him down easy with a logical explanation, I doubt he would even realize she was trying to break up with him. The things I love about Adam are the same things that make him so impossible, and I don't envy Hannah the task of ditching him. Maybe his visit to the police station is actually the best way to make him understand that things have changed, and, because I still love Adam, I'm hoping he gets booked by a smokin' hot rookie cop.
While the episode was pretty Hannah-centric, Jessa and Marnie each had some important moments. Desperate for a job, Marnie interviews with a gallery owner who makes Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada seem positively angelic. Marnie doesn't get the position, and when she dejectedly arrives home, Shosh and Ray (in bed together!! I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS!) tell her to get a pretty person job. Shosh calls up her friend who makes bank as a hostess at a club, and after saying, "How are you? I'M AMAZING," (and yes, that is now my official phone greeting), she secures Marnie a position as a hostess at the
Rich Asshole Wedgebrook Club. Marnie shows up at Hannah's apartment in her new "slutty Von Trapp child" uniform, and when she begs Elijah to tell Hannah about their two and a half pump tryst, Elijah refuses. Even though I still think this is a bad call, I completely agree with Elijah's prediction of Hannah's reaction: ""It will become a huge thing about 'Why aren't you attracted to me?' 'Why didn't you invite me?" Pretty much!
When Hannah arrives back at home and informs Marnie and Elijah that she broke up with Sandy, Marnie excitedly tells her about her new job. Hannah is confused, which I understand, and totally unsupportive, which I don't understand. Wait, let me rephrase that. I'm not surprised that Hannah isn't being supportive, because everyone on this show has yet to learn what friendship actually means. (Could that be this season's arc?!) Hannah gets totally self-righteous, saying "I made a choice not to cash in on my sexuality," and now would be the perfect time for Marnie to reprise the Throw A Drink On Hannah's Face move from last season. But just before Hannah gets too annoying, she reveals her insecurity by listing the wide spectrum of men who are attracted to her: "black men, Republicans, et al." It's a maneuver at which GIRLS has become increasingly adept-- allow the characters to get insufferably cocky in their worldview, then use their underlying naiveté to keep them endearing (and hilarious).
With that in mind, it'll be interesting to see what happens to Jessa's newly found wisdom from marrying Thomas-John. She certainly seems to be in a Zen place, painting a portrait of her new husband (even though it's hard, because she's used to painting things she hates, "like my mum... or scenery.") and dishing out advice to Hannah during a visit in the park. Normally I would want to smack Jessa's smug face, but I was too distracted by THE PUPPIES! Show, you did that on purpose, didn't you? When Thomas-John whipped out a box of "fetus-sized" puppies, including a pug (!), it was obvious that GIRLS knows its audience far too well. Hannah should keep a chihuahua tucked into her bosom at all times, because it makes her a billion times more loveable.
Even though I don't think Jessa's marital bliss will last, I do agree with her advice to Hannah about not overthinking things. Then again, that quality seems to stem directly from Hannah's DNA, so I'm skeptical that she can change in that way.
I do hope, however, that she can learn to be a better friend to Marnie. As Meredith discussed last week, their roles have reversed, and now Marnie is the one who needs unconditional support and encouragement. I'd like Hannah to surprise us all by delivering it, but it seems more likely to come in the form of a new boyfriend. Which is a damn shame.
So, Meredith, do you have more faith in Hannah than I do? And do you think anyone on this show will actually learn how to be a friend this season?
More importantly, will Shosh and Ray become a Serious Couple? Together, they're more adorable than a box full of puppies.
p.s. How are you? I'M AMAZING.