Disney Doesn’t Know What 3D STAR WARS Prequels You’re Talking About

Are you sure they were called STAR WARS, and not STAR something else? 

At some point in 2012, Lucasfilm rereleased Star Wars: Episode 1: The Phantom Menace in 3D. I'm not exactly sure when it was because this was back when Star Wars was a laughing stock rather than a new J.J. Abrams franchise, and I was paying attention to more worthy things like Tyler Perry and this weird skin tab on the back of my neck.

Speaking of Star Wars' embarrassing past, and speaking of how it's now a new J.J. Abrams franchise, Disney has decided this whole 3D rerelease of the series is something they'd rather not do, probably because it publicly acknowledges the prequels' existence, which is not a good idea for anyone. I wish I could say it's because Disney found out that 3D is awful, but we do not live in such a galaxy.

Still, a victory is a victory. No one will have to watch Anakin complain about sand in 3D. For this alone, Disney may have just won themselves a Nobel Peace Prize, which, ironically, is a now lifetime supply of tickets to any Disney movie at any participating AMC theater in almost 50 American states. It's the symbolic prize that matters.