Dismember Orcs With Your Snazzy New $10,000 HOBBIT Sword

NOTE: Orcs do not exist, and living humans should never be used as substitutes. Even jerks.

Well, if the movie business ever totally implodes, at least WETA can sit comfortably knowing they can always just go into the novelty sword business, although it's difficult to imagine a scenario short of zombie apocalypse in which movies would be gone but movie swords would still be in demand.

This is WETA's replica of The Hobbit's Orcrist sword, aka "The Goblin Cleaver," aka "Biter." I'm not up on my Tolkien lore, but I believe this is the sword which belongs to Thorin, the main Dwarf in The Hobbit. If that's not specific enough, imagine the two or three dwarves that inexplicably looked like male models, Thorin is the most Gerard Butler one.

It sure looks pretty. I'm not sure exactly what separates this from being a real goddamn sword.  It has a scabbard made of real fancy scabbard materials. The killing part is made out of something called "spring steel." I don't know what this is, but I find the idea of "winter steel" far more threatening.

Were you to buy one of these babies, you'd surely be the laughing stock of your neighborhood, until you started using it, I suppose. This could be the most valuable thing in your house and The Wet Bandits would probably pass it up for your iPad. I'll buy mine in a couple years when they get to be Pawn Shop priced.