FINDING NEMO 2 Gets Albert Brooks, Can Now Exist

Sadly the FINDING NEMO 2 starring Super Dave Osborne will never come to pass.

They say you have to have a kid to truly appreciate Finding Nemo. That's bullshit. Having a kid is what made me allergic to the film. It's a great achievement but even The Maltese Falcon gets annoying when put on a loop for months and months. Babies don't just ruin lives - they ruin good cinema as well.

Because I have seen/heard Finding Nemo dozens of times, I can tell you with deep emotion how loud and strained Albert Brooks' vocal performance is. From pretty much the beginning of the film to the end, Brooks squeals his way through the script with as much worried intensity as possible, and it raised my blood pressure just thinking about it.

Which is why I'm so excited to tell you that he'll be back for Finding Nemo 2. Also: there's going to be a Finding Nemo 2. It comes out in 2016, if we're all still alive. Director Andrew Stanton is coming back (and getting another shot at a live action film, apparently), as is Ellen DeGeneres. No one's sure if whoever played Nemo will return. No one probably remembers what Nemo sounded like anyway. Whenever I try to recall his voice, all I hear is Willem Dafoe.

Poor Pixar. Their upcoming slate actually looks good and original. It's too bad they can't just stick with that. Finding Nemo was big, but no one's asking for a sequel. Seriously, when this comes out my daughter will be thirteen. I just asked her what she thought of the first film and she said she didn't care. Then she lit a cigarette and went back to watching Bridezillas on Netflix.