EXPENDABLES 3 Updates Straight From Stallone’s Twitter Feed

It doesn't sound like anyone's driving this bus yet.

I had to stop following Sylvester Stallone on Twitter because so much of his feed was macho spiritualism and bullshit affirmations meant to make fans feel better about themselves. I appreciated the effort, but there's no helping me on that score.

But I really should get back on the Stallone meat wagon because he sometimes uses Twitter to talk about his films. For instance, last night Stallone offered a trio of The Expendables 3 tweets which offer tonal hints and casting tidbits for the surely atrocious sequel.

Stallone starts off with this:

Of all the things that failed to work in the first two Expendables films, the lame attempts at comedy are probably my favorite, so I'm glad that's coming back. From the crew making fun of Randy Couture's ear to the gang making fun of Jet Li for being Asian, these films crash and burn when shooting for levity but in a bad enough way that it's entertaining.

As for drama, Aside from Mickey Rourke's monologue in the first film (one of the greatest bad scenes ever), I never knew they were even aiming that high.

And then there's this:

We can no longer rely on primary sources with our Expendables 3 casting news. Supposedly Jackie Chan himself claimed to be in the film back in December, and yet here's Stallone, still crossing his fingers. It could be what he's really crossing his fingers for is Chinese financing. Or maybe he's still trying to work in Chan's demand that The Expendables 3 be a buddy-buddy action film rather than an ensemble. As for Seagal, even in a film like The Expendables 3, he can only bring things down. I don't know if you've seen him lately, but he's a worse joke than Chuck Norris at this point. 

Stallone concluded with this further clarification of what he means by "young bloods!!!":

So there will be a computer nerd for everyone to make insta-aging computer jokes at and another lady just like the lady no one remembers from The Expendables 2, though by "funny ,tough, REAL" maybe he means someone more like Ellen DeGeneres. No bruisers, though. This bus is all filled up with bruisers, and they fart weird.

I can't really blame Stallone for sticking with his Expendables thing, especially since R-rated action films that aren't Expendables related have been really getting smashed lately at the box office (To my eternal woe. Bullet to the Head may have had problems, but it was way better than an Expendables film.)

Stallone's art suffers from such transparent hubris, though. Like Rocky himself, Stallone is only good when he has something to prove. Now all he really has to prove is that he can continue making action films well into his old age. I hate to say this, but he needs a disastrous flop, so he can launch his 10th comeback. He must be tied with Bowie by now.