Film Crit Hulk Smash: HULK VS. THE BEST OF SXSW
HEY Y'ALL!
... Y'ALL?
SORRY, HULK JUST SPENT 10 DAYS IN TEXAS, SO HULK NOW APPARENTLY SAYS Y'ALL. ANYCRAP, TO THE POINT! HULK IS STILL DEALING WITH A WHIRLWIND OF POST-SXSW STUFF AND SO HULK APOLOGIZES FOR NOT HAVING MORE UPDATES. ONE OF THE REASONS FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES IS THAT HULK SPENT A GOOD DEAL OF TIME WORKING ON SOMETHING... BIG. DETAILS OF SAID PIECE WILL BE REVEALED WHEN... WELL, WHEN THE PIECE COMES OUT, BUT LET'S JUST SAY YOU'LL FINALLY GET HULK'S LONG-FORM THOUGHTS ON SPRING BREAKERS, PLUS SOME OTHER STUFF! BUT IN THE MEANTIME HULK WANTED TO COVER THE BEST FILMS AND EVENTS AND FOODS OF SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST!
AND WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT THESE LITTLE WRITE-UPS IS THEY ENDED UP DELVING INTO SOME COOL SUBJECTS, WHETHER IT WAS THE RELATIONSHIP OF CRITIC AND FILMMAKER, WHY SOME FILMS SHOULD NEVER BE REVIEWED, THE TROUBLE WITH DOCUMENTARIES, DRUNKEN FUN AND EVEN HAUTE CUISINE! THINK OF IT AS 13 MINI-HULK ESSAYS! SO HERE'S THE BEST OF SXSW IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
- SHORT TERM 12 -
HULK TALKED ABOUT IT IN LONG FORM HERE, BUT IT REALLY WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE FEST. WHAT'S REALLY FUNNY IS IT CAME AT THIS POINT IN THE FEST WHERE HULK WASN'T SEEING ANYTHING NEW THAT WAS CONNECTING WITH HULK. SUDDENLY, HULK WAS WORRIED HULK WOULDN'T SEE ANYTHING THAT GOT HULK EXCITED AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THIS MOVIE BURST FORTH LIKE A LIGHTNING BOLT TO THE BRAIN. SHORT TERM 12 IS REALLY AN EXTRAORDINARY LITTLE MOVIE THAT PROVES THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A LITTLE MOVIE. HULK CAN'T WAIT FOR EVERYONE TO SEE IT.
- R.V.I.P. / REPUBLIC SQUARE PARK LIGHT DISPLAY -
SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST ISN'T JUST FILLED WITH MOVIES, BUT ALL KINDS OF LITTLE PARTIES AND ART DISPLAYS AND CONCERTS AND OTHER FUN STUFF. SO MUCH SO THAT EVERY DAY HULK HEARS ABOUT SOME AWESOME THING THAT HAPPENED JUST THE NIGHT BEFORE (THE EVENT THAT SPURRED THE MOST JEALOUSY THIS GO ROUND WAS AN IMPROMPTU SECRET PHARCYDE SHOW FOR, LIKE, 40 PEOPLE). BUT THE BEST LITTLE THING THAT HAPPENED THIS YEAR THAT HULK ACTUALLY GOT TO BE A PART OF?
R.V.I.P!!!
WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY THIS BIG MOBILE KARAOKE TRAILER. EVERYONE PACKS INTO IT OR HANGS OUTSIDE OF IT AND CONTINUES TO DRINKS AT IT AFTER ALREADY BEING DRUNK AND THEN EMBARRASSES THEMSELVES AND IT DOESN'T EVEN GET AWESOME UNTIL WAAAAY TOO LATE AT NIGHT BECAUSE ALL THE BARS HAVE CLOSED ALREADY. THE HIGHLIGHT, NOT SURPRISINGLY, INVOLVED TIM LEAGUE TREATING US TO HIS POPULAR RENDITION OF MY FAIR LADY'S "LOVERLY" WHEREIN HE GRABS TWO MICROPHONES AND GRUMBLES INTO THEM IN HIS COOKIE MONSTER VOICE. BUT THE REAL TREAT WAS RIGHT WHEN EVERYONE WAS READY TO LEAVE WE SAW THESE BRIGHT BLUE CIRCULAR LIGHTS ACROSS THE WAY AT REPUBLIC SQUARE PARK AND RAN OVER. AND WHEN YOU STEP ON THOSE BLUE CIRCULAR LIGHTS? THEY CHANGE COLOR. NEEDLESS TO SAY, A LARGE GROUP OF DRUNK PEOPLE HAD MORE FUN ON THEM THEN YOU'D EVER IMAGINE POSSIBLE... FILM PEOPLE ARE JOYFULLY INFANTILE THAT WAY.
- CHEAP THRILLS -
DRAFTHOUSE FILMS PICKED THIS FILM UP FOR GOOD REASON: IT'S GREAT. PER BADASS POLICY WE CAN'T REVIEW (WE GOT ETHICS PEOPLE!), BUT LET HULK JUST SAY THAT IT'S ONE OF THOSE SMALL, CONTAINED TIGHTROPE WALKS THAT ISN'T SO MUCH ABOUT "WHERE" IT IS GOING AS IT IS THE SHEER AUDACITY OF THE MOMENT. IT ALSO HAS ONE SEQUENCE THAT WAS SO GROSS HULK HAD TO LOOK AWAY! AND EVEN THE SOUND ALMOST MADE HULK BARF! CONSIDER THAT A HUGE ENDORSEMENT!
- LOCKHART BARBECUE TOUR -
ALL THE PROPS GO TO ERIC VESPE AND AARON MORGAN FOR THIS ONE, BECAUSE THEY ASKED HULK TO COME ALONG ON AN EPIC JOURNEY OF EPICUREAN DELIGHTS. LOCKHART, AFFECTIONATELY REGALED AS THE BARBECUE CAPITAL OF TEXAS, IS A QUAINT LITTLE TOWN THAT IS SAID TO CONTAIN THE HIGHEST CONCENTRATION OF GREAT BBQ PER SQUARE ACRE (IT'S ALSO WHERE CHRISTOPHER GUEST SHOT WAITING FOR GUFFMAN!!!!). THE OBVIOUS RESULT OF SUCH CLOSE PROXIMITY? BARBECUE CRAWLS. *MAKES DROOLING NOISE* IT'S SUCH A WONDERFUL CONCEPT, ISN'T IT? SOME OF THE TASTIEST, MOST DEEPLY SMOKED DELICIOUSNESS ONE CAN IMAGINE ALL IN ONE EASILY TRAVERSABLE PLACE. HULK WANTS TO GO TO THERE. AGAIN. MANY TIMES. WINNERS OF THE DAY? THE PRIME RIB AT KREUZ MARKET. THE JALAPENO CHEESE SAUSAGE AT BLACKS. THE WET BRISKET AT SMITTY'S.
.... BECAUSE OF ALL OF THIS, HULK'S PURPLE PANTS STILL SMELLED LIKE MEAT FOR WEEKS.*
- V/H/S 2 -
ADMITTEDLY, HULK WAS NOT CRAZY ABOUT THE FIRST V/H/S. TO ITS BENEFIT, THE FILM OFTEN DISPLAYED AN INVENTIVE APTITUDE AND PUSHED A LOT OF BOUNDARIES OF THE MODERN FORMAT IT WAS DELVING INTO. MEANING IT REALLY SEEMED TO DROP ALL PRETENSE OF "MOVIE-DOM" AND REALLY COMMIT TO THE FOUND FOOTAGE CONCEPT AT LARGE. BUT IN DOING SO IT RAISED A LOT OF HULK'S CONCERNS ABOUT FOUND FOOTAGE ON THE WHOLE, WHETHER IT WAS THE CINEMATIC AFFECTATION OF THE SHOTS OR THE QUESTION OF VERACITY. PLUS, IN GIVING THE FILMMAKERS COMPLETE FREEDOM IT LED TO SOME BLOAT AND A STRANGE AMOUNT OF REPETITION WHERE THEY ALL SEEMINGLY GO TO THE SAME PLACE AND CONSTRUCTS. THERE WAS EVEN A CURIOUS AND TROUBLESOME OVERLAP OF GENDER ISSUES. BUT AGAIN, THE HORROR FILM WAS NEW AND DIFFERENT, HAD A TRULY DARK NARRATIVE TONE AND MARKED A GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR THE UNDERREPRESENTED GENRE OF THE ANTHOLOGY.
THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF TALK LATELY ABOUT THE INTERACTION OF CRITIC AND FILMMAKER AND WHETHER OR NOT IT IS PROBLEMATIC. ASIDE FROM THE SHEER NEED FOR TRANSPARENCY, SOME CALLED THE ENTIRE ISSUE INTO QUESTION. IT IS HULK'S BELIEF THAT THERE ARE EXTREMELY GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE DYNAMIC AND, YES, ALSO SOME BAD THINGS ABOUT IT. THE BOON IS THAT OFTENTIMES IT CAN REALLY HELP GET AT THE TRUTH AND UNDERSTANDING OF A PROJECT AND ITS CONTEXT. ON THE DOWN SIDE, IT'S TRUE, THE BASIC FAMILIARITY OF KNOWING SOMEONE BEHIND A FILM INSTANTLY HUMANIZES THAT FILM. BUT QUITE HONESTLY... THAT'S SOMETHING HULK DOESN'T THINK IS ALL THAT BAD. IT'S ONLY PROBLEMATIC WHEN YOU STRIDENTLY BELIEVE THAT FILM CRITICS HAVE TO BE YOUR "BUYING GUIDE" OR THE GUARDIANS OF RELATIVE WORTH. WHILE SUCH INCLINATIONS ARE UNDERSTANDABLE, HULK REJECTS THAT NOTION OF WHAT "THE JOB" IS SUPPOSED TO BE. IF ANYTHING, THE HULK MISSION IS SORT OF ABOUT THE HUMANIZING OF FILM ACROSS THE BOARD. THE FURTHER WE CAN GET AWAY FROM STRICT EVALUATION AND THE MACHINE OF PROMOTION, THE MORE WE CAN OPEN UP FILM WRITING AS A LITERAL DIALOGUE, THE BETTER. BUT HULK STILL ASSURES YOU THAT HULK TRIES TO BE INCREDIBLY MINDFUL OF THE WHOLE DYNAMIC AND HAS TRIED TO COMMUNICATE THIS IN EARNEST FASHION.
THE REASON HULK MENTIONS THIS DYNAMIC IS SIMPLE: IN THE WAKE OF HULK'S TAKE ON THE ORIGINAL, HULK ENDED UP HAVING A SERIES OF RATHER CANDID AND THOUGHTFUL CONVERSATIONS WITH THE PRODUCERS / FILMMAKERS, ETC. ABOUT THE PROJECT AND ITS STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES. ONE OF THE THINGS HULK KEEPS TRYING TO TELL YOU IS THAT OFTEN THE FILMMAKERS ARE HIGHLY AWARE OF THE ISSUES THAT A FILM HAS AND THIS CASE WAS NO DIFFERENT. AND IN GOING INTO V/H/S 2 THEY SOUGHT TO REALLY HONE IN ON THE AREAS THEY THOUGHT COULD BE STRONGER AND DELIVER A STRONGER FILM... AND REALLY, THEY DID IT. REALLY, THE FILM IS A BLAST. HULK PARTICULARLY ENJOYED HOW THEY PARTIALLY SKEWED AWAY FROM THE "HARD FOUND FOOTAGE" ANGLE AND UNLEASHED SOMETHING FAR MORE WILD, CHAOTIC AND FUN. EVEN THE CONCEPT ITSELF WILDLY VEERS FROM THE SNUFF-FILM CENTRIC APPROACH TO THE FIRST FILM AND... WELL, HULK WON'T SPOIL. BUT EVERY PIECE FELT LIKE A STEP-UP, FROM WINGARD'S HIGHLY FUNCTIONAL OPENING ENTRY, TO SANCHEZ'S CLEVER INVERSION ON A FAMILIAR STAPLE, TO THE EISENER'S HIGH ENERGY CAPER, THE ENTIRE THING JUST SAILS. BUT HULK WOULD BE REMISS IF HULK DIDN'T ADMIT THAT GARETH EVANS AND TIMO TJAHJANTO'S ENTRY IN THIS ONE IS ABSOLUTELY AN ALL-TIMER.
- UCHI / UCHIKO -
HULK'S TALKED ABOUT IT FROM TIME TO TIME, BUT HULK ADORES FOOD AND WILL READILY ADMIT TO BEING A REALLY GOOD COOK. HULK WILL APPARENTLY EVEN MENTION WHEN UNPROMPTED? ANYWAY, HULK'S PARTICULAR SPECIALTY IS SEAFOOD, UNDOUBTEDLY A SYMPTOM OF GROWING UP IN BOSTON AND WORKING FOR A LOBSTERMAN ONE SUMMER. AND THIS LOVE OF SEAFOOD HAS MANIFESTED ONWARD THROUGH HULK'S COOKING DEVELOPMENT. IT HAS BECOME A TRUE PASSION. AND EVERY TIME HULK GOES TO A NEW CITY HULK MUST GO TO THE BEST SEAFOOD RESTAURANT IN THAT CITY. THUS MEANING EVERY TIME HULK IS IN AUSTIN, HULK LOVES TO MAKE A RUN TO EITHER ONE OF TYSON COLE'S FLAGSHIPS: UCHI OR UCHIKO. OF COURSE, THIS TENDS TO BE DURING CRAZY TIMES OF HIGH AUSTIN ACTIVITY, BUT WHATEVER. THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT UCHI AND UCHIKO REALLY DO STACK UP.
TO BE CRAZY ABOUT SEAFOOD IS TO BE CRAZY ABOUT SEAFOOD QUALITY. ENTIRE HOURS CAN BE SPENT ON LEARNING HOW TO BUY FISH AND ENTIRE LIFETIMES CAN BE SPENT ON MASTERING IT. IN TRUTH, HULK'S ONE OF THOSE HULKS WHO CAN BE FOUND AT THE L.A. FISH COMPANY AT 5 IN THE MORNING TO GRAB THE FRESH (OFTEN HULK-SIZED) CATCH OF THE DAY. THE PROCESS OF BUYING THE PERFECT FISH, TAKING IT HOME AND MAKING THE PERFECT CROSS-SECTIONS OF IMMACULATELY CUT SECTIONS? IT'S AN ALMOST RELIGIOUS PROCESS FOR HULK. AND THE BEST THING ABOUT HIGH QUALITY FISH IS THAT IT'S HIGH QUALITY FISH. THE TASTE AND TEXTURE IS ALREADY THERE. YOU JUST NEED TO PREPARE IT WITH THE SIMPLEST AND MOST DELICATE OF CARE. AND LUCKILY, UCHI/UCHIKO IS AT ITS BEST WITH THAT KIND OF MINIMALISM. A DASH OF LEMON OR OTHER ACIDS. A FEW DRIZZLES OF HIGH GRADE OLIVE OIL. A PINCH OF SEA-SALT. HINTS OF SOUR WITH PICKLED VEGETABLES AND THE OCCASIONAL NEED FOR DEEP UMAMI FLAVOR. EVERYTHING IS ABOUT THE CAREFUL HIGHLIGHTING OF THESE FLAVORS BECAUSE IN THE END THERE'S NOTHING MORE DELICIOUS IN THE WORLD THAN MELT-IN-YOUR-MOUTH HIGH-GRADE FISH WITH GREAT SASHIMI PREPARATIONS OR EXPERTLY COOKED TECHNIQUES. AND SURE, UCHI AND UCHIKO DABBLE WITH ALL THE PLAYFULNESS YOU'D EVER WANT, BUT THEY NEVER STRAY TOO FAR FROM THIS CORE ETHOS AND UNDERSTANDING OF THEIR PURPOSE. AND FOR THAT HULK RECOMMENDS BOTH ESTABLISHMENTS HEARTILY.
STILL, HULK IS ALSO GOING TO DELVE INTO SOME HONEST THOUGHTS (AND SPECULATION) ABOUT PAUL QUI. HE'S THE FORMER EXECUTIVE CHEF OF UCHIKO AND REPRESENTS A REAL SHIFT IN FOOD CULTURE THAT HULK FINDS EQUAL PARTS INTRIGUING, TROUBLING AND INVIGORATING. WHEN HULK FIRST ENCOUNTERED HIM IT WAS A SOMEWHAT "NEGATIVE" EXPERIENCE. DON'T WORRY, THE MEAL WAS GREAT, IT'S JUST THAT HULK SPENDS A LOT OF TIME IN REAL-DEAL MULTI-MICHELIN-STAR KITCHEN CULTURE AND AS EXECUTIVE CHEF, QUI SPENT THE ENTIRE EVENING TEXTING AND LAUGHING WHILE DOING SAID JOB. WHO KNOWS. MAYBE IT WAS A ONE TIME THING AND LORD KNOWS THIS MAN HAS SPENT MOST OF HIS NIGHTS SWEATING ON THE LINE AND EARNING THE RIGHT TO RELAX. BUT NOT ONLY DOES IT LOOK BAD, NOT ONLY DOES THE REST OF THE STAFF EITHER RESENT IT OR TAKE YOUR LEAD, BUT HULK ASSURES YOU THE GREATS DON'T EVER PLAY LIKE THAT. SO MUCH ABOUT PLAYING ON THE GRAND STAGE OF BEING "A GREAT CHEF" IS ABOUT LIVING UP TO THAT FOCUS AND PROFESSIONALISM. HULK WAS GENUINELY UNNERVED BY THE WHOLE THING AND SOON HULK SAW QUI WAS APPEARING ON TOP CHEF SEATTLE AND HULK GOT EVEN MORE WORRIED. BUT THEN QUI DID A RATHER BOLD AND INTERESTING THING. HE STARTED "EAST SIDE KINGS," WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY A SERIES OF HIGH-GRADE FOOD TRUCKS IN AUSTIN, WHEREIN HE DELIVERS RESTAURANT-QUALITY DISHES AT HALF THE PRICE IN ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY BAMBOO PAPER BOATS. IT'S CASUAL. IT'S SINCERELY UNPRETENTIOUS. AND IT'S GREAT FOOD. IT SAYS THAT EVEN THOUGH QUI DOESN'T FIT INTO HULK'S (ADMITTEDLY STODGY) "EXPECTATIONS," HE IS NOT TRYING TO FAKE HIS INTEREST IN THAT WORLD. HE REALLY DOES VALUE THE FOOD, THE FRIENDSHIP, THE EXPERIENCE AND THE RELAXATION OF A MORE CASUAL DINING EXPERIENCE AND HE'S GOING DOWN A PATH THAT CELEBRATES IT. WHICH IS WONDERFUL. THERE IS SO MUCH ROOM FOR TALENTED CHEFS TO WORK IN THE HIGH AND LOW SPHERES, AND THE HONESTY OF WHAT QUI HAS PUT ON DISPLAY AND THE SOLID NATURE OF HIS MISSION MAKE HULK REALLY EXCITED FOR HIS FUTURE AS A CHEF.
- YOU'RE NEXT -
GODDAMMIT IS THIS MOVIE FUN. IT'S ALSO ONE OF THOSE MOVIES WHERE THE LESS SAID ABOUT IT THE BETTER. AND NOT BECAUSE IT IS ONE OF THOSE TWISTY TURNY THINGS FULL OF POSSIBLE SPOILERS. QUITE THE CONTRARY: THE MOVIE SHOULDN'T REALLY BE TALKED ABOUT BECAUSE IT IS PURELY VISCERAL FILMMAKING. MEANING TO EVEN TRY TO DESCRIBE WHAT MAKES IT FUNCTIONAL AND CATHARTIC IS A HUGE DISSERVICE TO THE NATURAL EXPERIENCE. THAT IS UNLESS THE PERSON HAS SEEN IT TOO AND YOU ARE DISCUSSING HOW THE SCARES AND THRILLS AND GAGS WORK CINEMATICALLY, WHICH WOULD MAKE IT A LEARNING TOOL. BUT ALL THIS JUST MEANS REVIEWING A FILM LIKE THIS IS ACTUALLY A DISSERVICE.
AND THE REASON THIS CONVERSATION KIND OF MATTERS SO MUCH IS THAT SOOOOOO MANY FILMS ARE LIKE THIS. ESPECIALLY GOOD HORROR OR ACTION MOVIES. IT'S LIKE 60% OF MOVIES ARE WAY BETTER IF YOU JUST SAY "YEAH, GO SEE IT. IT'S GOOD!" WITH ABSOLUTELY NO CONTEXT. ON THE FLIPSIDE, THERE ARE THE OTHER 40% OF A LOT OF GREAT FILMS LIKE HOLY MOTORS OR SPRING BREAKERS OR WRONG, THAT ACTUALLY BENEFIT FROM HAVING SOME CONTEXT TO CORRECT THE EXPECTATIONS HEADING IN AND GIVING THE READER THE BEST FRAME OF MIND IN WHICH TO ENGAGE THE MOVIE. BUT WITH SOMETHING LIKE YOU'RE NEXT? IT FUNCTIONS 100% ON OUR MOST BASE MOVIE WATCHING EXPECTATIONS AND THEN JUST HAS FUN WITH IT... WELL, IF YOU LIKE YOUR FUN TO BE BLOODY. BUT EVERY FILM NEEDS A REVIEW AS PART OF THE BUYING-GUIDE CULTURE AND THAT EFFECTIVELY RUINS IT IN SO MANY WAYS.
- STAYING AT THE BADASS DIGEST HOUSE -
SO THIS GO ROUND, A FEW OF YOUR RESIDENT BADASSES - DEVIN, MEREDITH AND HULK - DECIDED TO SPEND OUR SXSW BY RENTING A HOUSE TOGETHER AND STIRRING UP TROUBLE. IT EVEN INCLUDED SOME LOVELY GUEST APPEARANCES BY AMY NICHOLSON AND SAM ZIMMERMAN! NOW, HULK'S SURE YOU ARE IMAGINING SOME SITCOM-Y ANTICS OF HULK BEING A SURLY, CLUMSY ROOMMATE (NEVER!), DEVIN INTENTIONALLY GOADING US OR WHATEVER THE INTERNET THINKS HIS PERSONALITY IS LIKE (WHEN REALLY HE'S A BIG TEDDY BEAR), OR MAYBE YOU ENVISION MEREDITH BAKING US TREATS (ACTUALLY, THAT TOTALLY HAPPENED), BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO DISMISS THOSE PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS AND PICTURE AWESOMENESS INSTEAD: LOVELY WALKS TO GET BREAKFAST TACOS DOWN THE ROAD. RELAXING AFTERNOON WRITING SESSIONS WITH AN OPEN DOOR AND THE FRESH SPRING AIR WAFTING IN. PICTURE COMICAL SEAT ROTATIONS SO EACH BADASS CAN CHARGE THEIR LAPTOP IN THE ONLY THREE PRONGED OUTLET IN THE HOUSE. PICTURE LATE NIGHT DISCUSSIONS ABOUT PUNK ROCK, THE STRANGEST PEOPLE ON TWITTER AND HULK'S FAVORITE TOPIC: NOTHING IN PARTICULAR. PICTURE A GREAT WEEK.
... ALSO PICTURE A LOT OF BOOZE.
- THE DIVERGENT RESPONSE TO EVIL DEAD -
SO... HULK DID NOT LIKE THE MOVIE. HULK EVEN FOUND IT A BIT TROUBLESOME. BUT LOT OF PEOPLE LIKED THE MOVIE OR AT LEAST DIDN'T MIND IT. SUCH DIFFERENCE OF OPINION MAY SEEM TRIVIAL, BUT THE THING HULK FINDS INTERESTING ABOUT THIS IS THAT FILM EXISTS IN THIS WEIRD TERRITORY WHERE, BEYOND THE TIRED SIMPLICITY OF RELATIVISM, EVERYONE'S REASON FOR THESE REACTIONS FEELS TOTALLY VALID.
ON ONE LEVEL, THERE'S SO MUCH OBJECTIVELY GREAT STUFF. THE GORE? IT'S A+. REALLY. IT'S GRUESOME AND FULLY GROSS AND IF YOU LIKE THAT KIND OF THING IT'S WORTH THE PRICE OF ADMISSION ALONE. AND THE OTHER COOL PART IS HOW LOU TAYLOR PUCCI THROWS HIMSELF INTO GETTING PHYSICALLY PUNISHED WITH RECKLESS ABANDON FOR JUST ABOUT THE ENTIRE RUNNING TIME. EVEN JANE LEVY, WITH HER GREAT, VULNERABLE LOOK REALLY THROWS DOWN TOO AND DOES SOME GREAT WORK. AND IF YOU WERE JUST GOING TO BE REDUCTIVE AND SAY "FOR A HORROR FILM" THESE GOOD ASPECTS MAY BE ENOUGH, BUT THESE THINGS ARE ALSO VERY MUCH... UM... SURFACEY. IT REMINDS HULK OF THAT CURIOUS EVALUATION OF SAYING "A FILM IS WELL-MADE." OFTEN TIMES IT FEELS LIKE WE USE THIS PHRASE TO CHARACTERIZE THE TECHNICAL ACUMEN. AND YES IN THAT RESPECT, THE FILM IS WELL-MADE.
BUT IT IS ALSO SO VERY NOT.
YES, HULK CONSIDERS EVIL DEAD TO EVEN BE "A BAD MOVIE" FOR WHATEVER IT'S WORTH. FOR ONE, THE CHARACTERS HAVE NONSENSICAL REACTIONS AND MOTIVATIONS TO JUST ABOUT... EVERYTHING. WHICH IS PROBLEMATIC BECAUSE, AT THEIR CORE, MOVIES ARE CONSTRUCTED IN A VERY SIMPLE MECHANISM OF CAUSE AND EFFECT + SET UP AND RELEASE. AND THE FILM WANTONLY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ANY OF IT. THE FILM OPENS WITH OVERLONG SERIOUSNESS ABOUT HELPING THE LEAD GIRL GET CLEAN FROM DRUGS AND YET ONCE SHE'S POSSESSED THEY FAIL TO CAPITALIZE ON A SINGLE MOMENT OF DRAMATIC IRONY OR MISUNDERSTANDING. WORSE, IT BECOMES A METAPHOR FOR... NOTHING. THAT SAME GIRL IS THEN TOSSED AWAY AND BROUGHT BACK WITH A TRIUMPH THAT'S... SUPPOSED TO MEAN SOMETHING? CHARACTER TRAITS ARE CONSTANTLY INTRODUCED OR ALLUDED TO ON BEHALF OF EVERYONE AND IT HAS NO BEARING ON... ANYTHING. EVEN SHILOH FERNANDEZ'S CHARACTER, THE SUPPOSED CENTER-POINT OF EVERYTHING, IS ACTUALLY DISCONNECTED FROM EVERYONE IN NEARLY EVERY WAY. THERE ARE NO REAL RELATIONSHIPS OR HISTORY BEYOND LIP SERVICE. ALL OF WHICH WOULD BE FINE IF THIS WAS CANNON FODDER FOR THE DELIGHTS OF HORROR DELIRIUM, BUT 1) THE FILM IS RARELY HAVING ENOUGH FUN TO DO THAT AND 2) THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE FILM ACTS AS IF THOSE RELATIONSHIPS ARE CRITICAL TO THE FUNCTION. THIS KIND OF DISCONNECTION OF PURPOSE IS THE DEFINITION OF NOT ONLY BAD STORYTELLING, BUT BAD DRAMA AND BAD CINEMA. IT IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF "AND THEN" FILMMAKING WITHOUT A SINGLE "THEREFORE" OR "BUT." AND QUITE HONESTLY, ITS ALL SYMBOLIC OF THE FILM'S CENTRAL IDENTITY CRISIS.
FOR THE SINGLE BIGGEST PROBLEM IS THAT THE FILM JUMPS BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN VICIOUSLY PROCLAIMING INDEPENDENCE FROM THE EVIL DEAD AND THEN CAPITALIZING ON MOMENTS OF "HEY, REMEMBER THE EVIL DEAD!!?!?!" IT WANTS THE GRIT AND DISAFFECTION OF THE MODERN HORROR AESTHETIC (AKA DULL PLATINUM DUNES MODEL) AND THEN THROWS SUCH OUT-OF-NOWHERE MOMENTS OF FAN SERVICE TO NO REAL OTHER PURPOSE THAN TO CONNECT TO THE ELATION OF PAST MOMENTS. SOMETIMES TO DISASTROUS EFFECT. CASE IN POINT: WHEN A GRUESOME TREE RAPE ELICITS MASSIVE, TRIUMPHANT APPLAUSE FROM AN AUDIENCE. SHOULD THE FAULT LIE WITH THE AUDIENCE CHEERING FOR SAID HORRIBLE MOMENT? SURE, BUT WHAT ELSE WOULD BE THE RESULT WHEN YOU REFERENCE A SCENE THAT HAS BECOME SO INFAMOUS IN THE LORE OF THE MOVIE YOU ARE REMAKING IN A KNOWING FASHION? THUS, THE DECISION TO GRUESOME-IFY THAT REFERENCE MEANS THIS WAS PRECISELY WHAT THEY WERE GOING FOR. AND IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS. THE FILMMAKERS WANT IT ALL AND IT WANTS NOTHING. IT WANTS TO BE AS SERIOUS AS THE FIRST ENTRY AND WANTS ALL THE FUN-LAND JOYS OF THE SECOND MOVIE. AND IN TRYING FOR THAT IT BECOMES COMPLETELY IGNORANT OF TONE AND NOT JUST MOVIE CAUSE + EFFECT. SERIOUSLY, WHAT OTHER REASON WOULD IT HAVE A NONSENSICAL BRUCE CAMPBELL TAG? THIS IS THE FILM IS THAT HAPPENS WHEN MARCUS NISPEL TRIES TO IMITATE SAM RAIMI.
WHICH ISN'T TO SAY FEDE ALVAREZ WON'T BE ABLE TO PUT TOGETHER A GREAT HORROR MOVIE ONE DAY. AGAIN. A+ GORE HERE. IF HE FINDS A FEATURE PROJECT THAT LINES UP WITH WHAT HE DOES BEST, THEN HULK'S SOOOOO ON BOARD. REALLY. BUT IN THE END ALL EVIL DEAD MANAGES TO BECOME IS AN INTERESTING BELLWETHER FOR WHAT YOU LOOK FOR IN MOVIES AND HOW YOU ARE PERCEPTIVE TO CERTAIN ELEMENTS OVER OTHERS. IN FACT, THIS MIGHT BE MAYBE ONE OF THE STRONGER "TANGIBLE DETAIL" MOVIES EVER MADE. SO MUCH ABOVE THE SURFACE IS "RIGHT." SO MUCH UNDER THE SURFACE IS "WRONG." IT'S A MOVIE FOR EVERYONE AND A MOVIE FOR NO ONE. BUT GOING FAR BEYOND BASIC "IDENTITY POLITICS" MOVIES HULK SWEARS TO YOU THAT MOVIES HAVE SOULS. THEY HAVE A PURPOSE OF FUNCTION. AND HERE? THEY HAD NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF MOVIE THEY WERE MAKING. AND IF THEY DID IT'S AS CYNICAL A CALCULATION AND DISGUSTING A STATEMENT AS ONE CAN IMAGINE. AND FOR ALL THE HIGH-QUALITY GORE AND GOOD TANGIBLE STUFF, HULK FINDS THIS CARDINAL OFFENSE OF NOT KNOWING WHAT THEY WANTED TO BE MORE TROUBLESOME THAN ANYTHING ELSE ON THE PLANET.
THE PURPOSE OF A MOVIE AND "KNOWING WHAT IT IS" AND NOT TRYING TO GO HALVSIES ON EVERYTHING? ADMITTEDLY, THAT'S WHAT HULK MOST VALUES.
- THE UPSIDE OF THE LINES -
THE LINE SYSTEM AT SXSW IS... WELL, IT'S PROBLEMATIC. EVERY FESTIVAL HAS ITS PARTICULARS, AND THIS ONE IS NO EXCEPTION. ON ONE HAND, THE ADMISSION TO MOVIES IS DESIGNED AS A RELATIVELY EGALITARIAN OPPORTUNITY THAT REWARDS DESIRE TO SEE THE SAID SCREENING ABOVE ALL ELSE. AND THIS TOTALLY RESULTS IN THE MOST ENERGIZED FESTIVAL SCREENINGS EVER AND TOTALLY FULFILLS THE SPIRIT OF THE FESTIVAL... BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, IT KIND OF SUCKS WHEN YOU HAVE A JOB TO DO. WHEN YOU HAVE TO SEE A MOVIE AND THERE'S MULTI-HOUR LINES THAT PREVENT YOU FROM SEEING OTHER SCREENINGS AND TAKE YOU AWAY FROM THE TIME YOU SHOULD BE WRITING. NOW, THE SYSTEM IS DESIGNED TO ACCOUNT FOR THIS BY OFFERING EXPRESS PASSES, BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT THOSE ARE OFFERED VERY EARLY IN THE A.M. (WITH ANOTHER LINE TO GET THEM), WHICH WOULD BE NO PROBLEM IF NOT FOR THE FACT THAT BECAUSE OF SAID LINES AND INABILITY TO WRITE WHILE YOU ARE IN THEM, AND BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT SAID MOVIE SCHEDULE WRAPS UP AROUND 2AM, YOU END UP HAVING TO WRITE UNTIL 5 OR 6 AM TO HEED DEADLINES. AND THUS, GETTING UP A MERE HOUR LATER TO GET SAID PASSES AS A PRESS MEMBER IS... DIFFICULT. ESPECIALLY WHEN SAID EXPRESS PASSES ARE AVAILABLE TO ANYONE WITH A BADGE AND THESE PASSES MUST BE GOTTEN EVERY MORNING IN A PHYSICAL FASHION AND THAT MEANS GETTING DOWNTOWN WHERE TRAFFIC CAN BE INSANE AND PARKING CAN BE UPWARDS OF 25-30 DOLLARS. SIMPLY PUT: THE PROCESS IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH BEING A JOURNALIST. THIS IS NOT TO COMPLAIN NEEDLESSLY. SXSW ISN'T REALLY GEARED AROUND BEING A CRITIC. IN FACT, THIS IS NOT EVEN TO COMPLAIN ON A PERSONAL LEVEL BECAUSE HULK ISN'T NEARLY AS AFFECTED BY IT AS SO MANY OTHERS.
HULK KEEPS TELLING YOU THAT HULK IS NOT "A REAL CRITIC" AND HULK MEANS IT. THAT WOULD BE AN INSULT TO THE FINE COLLEAGUES WHO DO THIS FOR A LIVING. WHO HAVE IT DIRECTLY ROOTED TO THEIR PERSON-HOOD AND LIVE OR DIE BY SAID DEADLINES. HULK STANDS IN AWE OF THEIR WORK. OF THEIR COMMITMENT. OF THEIR ABILITY TO NAVIGATE THE SCHEDULE JUST LIKE HULK MENTIONED ABOVE. THEY DO IT WITH NARY A COMPLAINT. THEY APPEAL DIRECTLY TO THE P.R. REPS. THEY FIND A WAY TO GET IN. THEY MAKE IT HAPPEN. THEY DO THEIR JOBS. AND SO WHILE HULK'S EARLIER COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE EGALITARIAN LINE SYSTEM SEEMING UNFAIR MIGHT SOUND LIKE THE HEIGHT OF PRIVILEGE (GETTING TO SEE MOVIES AND WRITE ABOUT THEM FOR A LIVING), HULK ASSURES YOU THAT IT IS ANYTHING BUT. AND WHAT THEY ACCOMPLISH IS QUITE ENTHRALLING. PARTICULARLY IN LIGHT OF THE FOLLOWING:
HULK WAS HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH OUR OWN DEAR MEREDITH BORDERS ABOUT THIS VERY ARTICLE AND HULK ASKED HER WHAT HER FAVORITE THINGS WERE ABOUT SXSW. AND WHILE WE HAD MANY OVERLAPPING SUBJECTS OF ADORATION, SHE THEN SAID SOMETHING THAT SURPRISED HULK: SHE SAID THAT THE LONG LINES WERE ONE OF HER FAVORITE PARTS. WHY? BECAUSE OF ALL THE EQUALLY LONG WONDERFUL CONVERSATIONS SHE GETS TO HAVE AS A RESULT. WE USE THE PHRASE "UPSIDE" A GOOD DEAL WHEN WE THINK OF SOMETHING BEING A SILVER LINING, A SMALL GLIMMER OF HOPE IN THE OTHERWISE BAD RESULTS. BUT AN UPSIDE IS FAR MORE THAN THAT, ISN'T IT? IT IS A WHOLE "HALF" OF POSITIVITY. UPSIDES AND DOWNSIDES COMPRISE TWO WHOLE SIDES OF CONTRADICTORY THOUGHT. AND MEREDITH WAS RIGHT ON THE MONEY. THE LONG, MEANDERING CONVERSATIONS IN THESE LINES ARE BEYOND WONDERFUL. THEY ARE CONVERSATIONS BORNE OUT OF IMMEDIACY AND ONE OF THE FEW TIMES IN THIS MODERN AGE WE ARE TRULY MADE TO WAIT FOR SOMETHING. AND WHEN HULK IS BEING MOST HONEST AND INTROSPECTIVE, THEN HULK WOULD HAVE TO ADMIT THAT THESE LINES HAVE FORGED LONG AND LASTING FRIENDSHIPS OF GREAT IMPORT.
YEAH, ALMOST ALL THINGS HAVE DOWNSIDES. BUT ALMOST ALL THINGS HAVE UPSIDES. AND WHATEVER PROBLEMS ARE CREATED FOR JOURNALISTS TRYING TO DO THEIR JOBS (WHICH AGAIN IS A VERY REAL PROBLEM), IT JUST PALES IN COMPARISON TO THE OPPORTUNITY TO WAIT FOR ONCE IN OUR MODERN LIVES AND GAIN A LITTLE HUMANITY... IT JUST TOOK A REAL CRITIC TO SEE IT.
- THE DISCUSSION OF "UNHUNG HERO" -
HULK LOVES DOCUMENTARIES AND YET HULK ALWAYS COMES OFF AS WEIRDLY CRITICAL OF THEM. HULK CAN'T HELP IT. DOCUMENTARIES JUST HAVE THIS WAY OF BEGGING SPECULATION AND A CURIOUS DISPOSITION. BUT THAT'S PART OF THEIR INNATE CHARM AND RESONANCE. HULK THINKS THE BEST DOCUMENTARIES HAVE A SENSE OF AFTERMATH, IN WHICH THERE ARE JUST SO MANY QUESTIONS THAT HULK CAN'T HELP BUT EMERGE AND PONDER ONWARD. WE CARRY THE BEST DOCUMENTARIES INTO OUR LIVES.
UNHUNG HERO IS A REALLY FUNNY, RATHER ENTERTAINING DOCUMENTARY ABOUT A GUY WHO DISCOVERS THAT HE HAS A SMALL PENIS, OR MORE SIGNIFICANTLY, REALIZES THAT HIS SMALL PENIS HAS HAD A DRAMATIC EFFECT ON HIS PERSONAL LIFE (SO MUCH SO THAT IT RESULTS IN A FAILED MARRIAGE PROPOSAL... ALBEIT ONE AT A SPORTS EVENT SO THERE'S LIKELY OTHER PROBLEMS THERE). AS A RESULT, HE GOES OFF AND TRIES TO FIX HIS PENIS PROBLEM VIA THE HILARITY OF CURE-ALL PRODUCTS AND EXPOSURE TO DANGEROUS TREATMENT OPTIONS. HILARITY ENSUES. BUT HULK'S PROBLEMS WITH THE FILM ARE NOT A MATTER OF LACK OF CARE, NOR A LACK OF COMPELLING DRAMA, NOR STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY. AGAIN, THE FILM IS QUITE ENTERTAINING AND HITS EVERY MARK WITH A HANDFUL OF CRAZY SITUATIONS, SOUL SEARCHING AND ULTIMATELY POSITIVE CATHARSIS. BUT THERE WERE THREE DISTINCT ISSUES HULK HAD UPON EXITING...
THE FIRST PROBLEM WAS THAT IT WAS A MOVIE ABOUT A SUBJECT, BUT IT WAS ONLY ARTICULATED THROUGH THE LENS / EXPERIENCE OF THAT SINGLE PERSON. NORMALLY, THIS IS THE EXACT WAY TO HUMANIZE A STRUGGLE AND IT IS INDEED QUITE IMPORTANT IN THIS ARENA OF DOCUMENTARY STORYTELLING. BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE FILM SPENDS SO MUCH TIME JUST DEALING WITH PENIS ISSUES (AND HIS DRAMATIC EXPERIENCES WITH THEM) THAT IT MISSES THE BIGGER ISSUES. TAKE FOR INSTANCE HOW HIS FINAL CATHARSIS IS GEARED AROUND HIS COMING TO THE REALIZATION IT'S NOT ACTUALLY ABOUT HIS PENIS (SURPRISE SURPRISE). IT'S ABOUT HIM! A VALUABLE LESSON FOR HIS OWN SELF? FOR SURE. FOR THE AUDIENCE? MAYBE. BUT THIS REALIZATION WAS SOMETHING OBVIOUS TO HULK THE ENTIRE RUNNING TIME. OF COURSE IT WASN'T ABOUT HIS PENIS, IT WAS ABOUT HIM. THERE WERE SO MANY OTHER THINGS GOING ON AND THE FILM DIDN'T DELVE INTO ANYTHING BEYOND THE SUBJECT'S PREOCCUPATION. HULK COULDN'T HELP BUT THINK ABOUT THE FINAL MEMBER, A FILM ABOUT PENISES THAT ISN'T ABOUT PENISES REALLY AT ALL. INSTEAD IT WAS SECRETLY ABOUT THE PSYCHOLOGIES BEHIND PHALLOCENTRIC THOUGHT. SO HULK COULDN'T HELP BUT WONDER HOW THERE IS MORE TO HIS EXPERIENCE AND WHY HE BEHAVES THE WAY HE DOES. EVEN WITH THE TOPIC OF VULNERABILITY AND PUTTING "IT" ALL OUT THERE, THERE'S SO MUCH ACTIVE DISPLACEMENT AND GUARDEDNESS THROUGH THE COMEDY THAT HE REMAINS A COMPLETE MYSTERY. HE DOESN'T EVEN SHOW SAID PENIS. WHICH IS NOT ONLY A METAPHOR FOR THE ENTIRE THEME OF SURFACE-NESS, BRAVADO AND SELF-EFFACING FIXATION SUPPOSEDLY BEING VULNERABILITY, THIS LACK OF CONNECTION TO THE POINT INSTEAD BECOMES THE SINGLE MOST COMPELLING THING ABOUT THE STORY. AND ITS NEVER ADDRESSED BECAUSE THE SUBJECT HAS SO MUCH CONTROL OVER THE SHAPE OF THE STORY.
THE SECOND PROBLEM WAS THAT SO MUCH OF THE FILM FELT... CONSTRUCTED. NO, HULK IS NOT DOUBTING THE VERACITY OF THE FOOTAGE. BUT SO MUCH FELT LIKE IT WAS CONSTRUCTED. THERE'S IMMACULATELY FILMED INVASIONS INTO LOCKER ROOMS (ILLEGAL OF COURSE), NON-BLURRED FACES IN THOSE SAME SCENES, STILTED ALMOST SCRIPTED SEEMING CONVERSATIONS AND ENTIRE BEHAVIORS THAT SEEM OVERWROUGHT FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT. EVEN THE SUBJECT IS AN ACTOR/COMEDIAN AND SEEMS TO BE PLAYING A CHARACTER OF HIMSELF TO THE CAMERA. AGAIN, THIS ISN'T TO OPENLY CALL INTO QUESTION THE VERACITY OF THE FOOTAGE, BUT WHEN YOU WATCH A LOT OF DOCUMENTARIES YOU CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THESE ALARM BELLS GO OFF WHEN EVERYTHING... WELL... WHEN IT FEELS LIKE THIS. WHEN DOCS ARE TOO POLISHED THERE IS SOMETHING THAT INESCAPABLY FEELS WRONG. WHICH MIGHT NOT BE FAIR. SOMETIMES A TALENTED DOCUMENTARIAN CAN SHAPE LIFE'S NARRATIVE INTO A PERFECTLY ARC-ED STORY OF MEANING AND IMPORT. BUT HULK ARGUES THE BEST DOCUMENTARIES IMBUE THE VIEWER WITH A SENSE OF DISCOVERY. IT'S MORE THE KIND OF STORYTELLING WHERE YOU PEEL BACK LAYERS. IT FEELS AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE AGE OLD WISDOM THAT "NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS." AND WHILE UNHUNG HERO WAS ENTERTAINING AS ALL HELL, IT FELT LIKE A STORY TOLD FROM BEGINNING TO END... AND WORSE, GIVEN THE FIRST PROBLEM HULK MENTIONED IT WAS A STORY THAT DIDN'T SEEM TO GET TO THE HEART OF ITS SUBJECT.
AND THEN THERE WAS A THIRD PROBLEM. OFTEN TIMES THE PROXIMITY TO, OR VISIBILITY OF, THE FILMMAKERS AT A FESTIVAL IS A WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY TO GO IN DEEPER TO A FILM'S CONTEXT. AND SOMETIMES THAT PROXIMITY / VISIBILITY CAN BE A REALLY WEIRD EXPERIENCE. FIRST OFF, THE SUBJECT SEEMED TO HAVE SOME WEIRD TENSION WITH THE... CO-DIRECTOR? WHO WAS LISTED AS DIRECTOR? HONESTLY, IT WAS NEVER QUITE CLEAR AND THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP SEEMED STRANGE AND THE DIRECTOR WASN'T EVEN THERE FOR THE Q+A. PROBABLY BECAUSE THE Q+A WAS HELD BY THE DOORWAY EXIT TO KEEP THINGS "INFORMAL" AS PEOPLE TRIED TO EXIT THE SCREENING. THERE THE SUBJECT ANSWERED QUESTIONS WITH BRAVADO AND DIRECT ENGAGEMENT, BUT HULK COULD BARELY LISTEN TO THE AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS SO HULK AND HULK'S FRIEND RAN AWAY. ALSO, A FEW NIGHTS EARLIER HULK HEARD AN ANECDOTE ABOUT THE SUBJECT BEING AT RVIP AND NOT BEING ABLE TO STOP TALKING ABOUT THE DOC AND HIS PENIS (THUS SORT OF DISPROVING THE ENDING CATHARSIS?). ALSO ALSO, UPON EXITING THE THEATER AFTER THE SCREENING, HULK HEARD TWO DIFFERENT MEN SAY TO WOMEN WITH THEM THAT "IT WASN'T A PROBLEM FOR THEM." ARE THESE GESTURES REFLECTIVE OF THE FILM'S AWKWARD DISPOSITION? OF THE IMPLIED SOCIETAL WEIRDNESS? OF ITS USING TRUTH TO GET AT UNTRUTH? IN ONE WAY, THE FILM FEELS RATHER BRAVE AND IS TO BE COMMENDED, BUT IT IS ALSO SO ETHEREAL. IT'S ALMOST HALF A THOUGHT. A CONCEPT BEING DEALT WITH AND THAT ALONE.
HULK WANTED TO CARRY SO MUCH MORE OUT OF THE FILM THEN THESE LINGERING QUESTIONS OF NOT FEELING LIKE THE DOCUMENTARY DID ITS JOB WHATSOEVER... THIS IS A FILM SUPPOSEDLY ABOUT BARING ONE'S FRONT, BUT INSTEAD IT IS A FILM THAT IS NOT YET TRULY NAKED IN ANY SENSE. IN TRYING TO THE GET TO HEART OF... WELL, OF PENISES, IT DIDN'T REALLY GET TO THE HEART OF ANYTHING AT ALL.
- P. TERRY'S -
SO HULK WAS DRIVING DOWN LAMAR WITH THE BASED GOD-LOVING ENTITY ONLY KNOWN AS "NICK ROB" AND HE POINTED AT P. TERRY'S AND SAID: "That's like In & Out only if In & Out was good." FIRST OFF, DEMS FIGHTING WORDS NICK ROB. SECOND OFF, HIS COMMENT ALSO MADE HULK EXTREMELY CURIOUS. SO HULK WENT THERE A COUPLE TIMES BECAUSE... OKAY FINE, IT WAS CLOSE TO THE BADASS HOUSE AND EASY. BUT IN TRUTH, P. TERRY'S IS REALLY, REALLY GOOD, BUT THE EXPERIENCE IS NO BETTER OR NO WORSE THAN IN & OUT. JUST DIFFERENT. THE PROS: OPTIONAL BACON! SOME REALLY GOOD ROOT BEER. THE FRIES COME IN COOL TURNOVER WRAPPING. THE CONS: THE CHEESE IS WAY LESS MELTY. THE FRIES ARE OVER COOKED (ESPECIALLY FOR THE LACK OF CRISPINESS). BUT OVERALL THIS PLACE IS SO WORTH YOUR TIME AS AN OLD-FASHIONED BURGER STAND AND PIECE OF AMERICANA.
ALSO, PLEASE NOTE: NICK ROB IS WHERE IRONY GOES TO DIE AND BE REBORN EVERY TEN SECONDS AND HE IS THE ONLY PERSON HULK WILL EVER BE MEAN TO ON TWITTER. IT'S OKAY. THINK OF HIM AS A DISAFFECTED SUPER-VILLAIN. WITH LOTS OF SHOES AND QUESTIONABLE MOVIE TASTE.
- ZERO CHARISMA GETTING AUDIENCE AWARD -
REMEMBER HOW HULK TALKED ABOUT THE CRITICAL CONVERSATION AND HOW IT MANIFESTS IN INTERESTING WAYS? WELL, HULK'S TOO CLOSE TO THE FILMMAKERS / CREW OF THIS ONE TO COMMENT ON THIS ONE, OTHER THAN CONVEYING THE FACT THAT HULK HOPES YOU GET A CHANCE TO SEE IT AND HULK IS SO VERY PROUD OF THEM. THE FILM IS THE KIND OF CHARACTER PIECE THAT IS ENTERTAINING, BUT ISN'T AFRAID TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST ABOVE ALL ELSE. AND THAT'S CERTAINLY WORTH CELEBRATING. HULK'S OBVIOUSLY BIASED, BUT STILL DELIGHTED THAT SO MANY PEOPLE AT SXSW AGREED.
HULK KEEPS SAYING IT, BUT SOMETIMES FILMS ARE PERSONAL AND ARE HELPLESSLY DEFINED BY OUR EXPERIENCES AND PROXIMITY. THERE'S NOTHING MORE ENTHRALLING THAN WHEN A FILM FEELS LIKE A LIVING, BREATHING THING BROUGHT TO LIFE BY LIVING, BREATHING PEOPLE. THUS, ZERO CHARISMA GETTING THE AUDIENCE AWARD WAS A WONDERFUL CAPPER TO ANOTHER WONDERFUL WEEK IN THE HEART OF CENTRAL TEXAS. IN THE PAST YEAR ALONE, HULK HAS VISITED THE FAIR CITY OF AUSTIN FOUR TIMES AND EACH TIME HAS BEEN UTTERLY AND UNIQUELY WONDERFUL.
SO THANK YOU TO SXSW AND EVERYONE WHO GOES, AND EVERYONE WHO HOSTS, AND EVERYONE WHO WORKS THERE, AND EVERYONE WHO VOLUNTEERS THERE, AND EVERYONE WHO PROGRAMS IT, AND EVERYONE IN THE CITY WHO PUTS UP WITH ALL OF US. PARTICULARLY FOR PUTTING UP WITH THE BIG OLD GREEN MENACE WHO GOES AROUND EATING ALL YOUR BARBECUE.
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, THANK YOU FOR THE FACT THAT THERE WILL BE MANY, MANY MORE STILL TO COME.
<3 HULK
ENDNOTES:
* - SHUT UP.
