TRANSFORMERS 4 To Destroy China On Our Behalf

Shouldn't we warn them or something?

China is big on self image. They're not as big as North Korea or anything, but they don't fondly cherish the idea of looking like a bunch of dumb assholes. So news that Michael Bay will shoot some of Transformers 4 in China in an attempt to get a bit of that Chinese cheese movies have been going for lately inspires a bit of a double take. They're going to let him film there, help with promotion, lend him their Chinese actors, and let him work out some of his post-production woes at their ethically run facilities.

Michael Bay likes to fuck up cities. He doesn't fuck them up in real life, just Transformers life, which is like real life but with prettier ladies and more fucked up cities. In the first one he fucked up Los Angeles, he destroyed Chicago in Part 3, and spent the end of Part 2 fucking up Pyramid City, which is all the way in Egypt, which is way down in South America, maybe even as far south as Texas.

I have to assume that Transformers 4's China scenes will all involve exposition rather than expo-losions. Perhaps that is where John Turturro's character lives now (that guy better be in this film). Getting across the world should be no problem, narratively. They can just open a door in America and come out the other side in Beijing.

There's just no way China's letting Michael Bay film a big building-crashing action scene there, so it has to be a bunch of talking, right? In a scene that won't even be in the American version? Where Mark Walhberg talks about how much he loves roasted duck neck? And the merits of Confucianism versus Buddhism?

Then again, they fucked up little bits of Shanghai in Transformer 2, so what do I know? Maybe it's like when you let Mike Tyson punch you in the face simply because it's Mike Tyson.