Is This The Dumb Way They’re Bringing Back Coulson In AGENTS OF SHIELD?

Agent Coulson didn't just die in The Avengers, he died well. So when it was announced that Clark Gregg was returning to the Marvel Universe as Phil Coulson in Agents of SHIELD, the new ABC TV show pilot, we all wondered just how that was possible. Could it be that he's a Life Model Decoy? Could he return as The Vision? Slashfilm thinks they know the answer, and I believe them. Unfortunately, it's totally stupid.

In the pilot, it’s revealed Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), the ultimate super spy, faked Agent Coulson’s death on purpose to motivate The Avengers. Some S.H.I.E.L.D. members were in on it (including, possibly, Maria Hill played by Cobie Smulders) but The Avengers were not. Their security clearance wasn’t high enough. Coulson was forced to hold his breath as part of the ruse and that’s a point of contention among his colleagues  After the fact, Fury moved him to a remote location until things died down, and then he was reinserted into duty at the time of the show.

Faked his death? UGH. 

Listen, there are rules for faking your death in comics and movies, and the main one is that there can't be a body. You have to die in an explosion or a cave-in. This is basic science, people. Coulson died from impalement, a not-normal way to fake your own death. Granted, we never saw Coulson straight up dead - it just seemed like he died - but his demise felt very real in the moment. What's more, Fury already did a 'dick move fake out' thing by smearing Coulson's cards in blood. That's like gilding the fucking lily if Coulson wasn't even dead. Maybe he should have had a model of Coulson's head made and plopped that on the fucking desk in front of Captain America. Or he could have paraded out a line of orphans, claiming they're all Coulson's kids. 

I suspect that Slashfilm's sources are good, and that's too bad. I think this is a weak way to bring Coulson back into the Marvel Universe.