Also: Who will watch PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 5?

When it comes to massive blockbusters that I forget even exist, few films can compete with Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Even now as I type the film's title, I have to do a Kevin Arnold pause so my future narrator can tell me, "It's the one with Al Swearengen. You never saw it."

Not only did this film come out, but it made a gazillion trillion dollars. So the law of economy demands Disney make another, especially since they spent so much on their Johnny Depp clone machine.

The trouble is finding a director. It's difficult to find someone big enough to handle such a tentpole film but small enough to want to. Deadline thinks it's down to three hombres: Fredrik Bond, director of The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman, which I could pretend to have heard of, Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, directors of Kon-Tiki, a film I'm actually terrified of finally watching, and Rupert Sanders, a robot mixture of the boy who played Ron Weasley and the man who made chicken cheap and available for all. He also directed Snow White and the Huntsman and something something tabloid.

These are actually some interesting names. But still. You want to throw up your hands and ask why on Earth we need another Pirates film, but just watch this come out and make tons of money like the others. At least such economics work in our favor when it comes to Marvel's cinematic world building.