What the fuck is going on here? Metallica's upcoming IMAX 3D narrative/concert film, Through the Never (directed by Predators' Nimród Antal) was always going to be a little goofy, if only because it was going to star three guys who have been a little goofy for a long time now.
But I'm not sure I was aware it would be this goofy. Dane DeHaan plays some human being who may or may not be on his way to a Metallica show. His van gets hit by a car and suddenly he's in some sort of Metallica-fueled apocalypse where his lifestyle will determine his deathstyle. I'll take what I can get when it comes to bizarre feature films based around metal bands, but I wish so hard this were about Megadeth instead.
Still, there's a shot of some face-painted dude riding across the screen on a horse. My heart belongs to this film now, something I never thought would happen. I guess that's just another lesson on why you should never say never, and why all those bastards who told me I'd never get to make out with Winnie Cooper can still kiss my ass.
Metallica Through the Never (oh, how I wish we were calling this Metallica into Darkness) comes out September 27 and will apparently be the greatest film ever made. I can't wait. Here's a really lame poster: