Bikinis, Texas Will Be A Real Town Owned By Bikinis Sports Bar And Grill

Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill is one of the self-appointed, desperately unclever "breastaurants" that have cropped up over the years, all bound and determined to make me refer to Hooter's as "the classy one." The chain started in Austin, Texas with a concept that's precisely what you might imagine: waitresses in bikinis serving you fried, mediocre bar food while ten different TVs play ten different sports channels. I'll let Bikinis tell you more: 

It all started back in the winter of 2001. Weary of the technology world, and discouraged by the “dot-com” implosion that was happening all around him,    Doug Guller packed his bags and headed to Australia for a much needed vacation.

While sitting at a bar on the Australian coast, watching some rugby on a small TV nearby, an attractive server approached and asked, “Wanna beer, mate?”

At that moment, all Doug could do was smile. Life suddenly made sense to him. He thought to himself, “This is a nearly perfect combination: relaxing, drinking, sports, girls, service. … plus great food.

The idea behind the Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill® concept was soon born.

Well, Doug's little T&A empire has its own manifest destiny to fulfill, so he just up and bought himself a ghost town outside of Fredericksburg and named it Bikinis, Texas. 

I guess it's not really a town so much as a very expensively renovated events venue, and the opening weekend lineup includes a bikini contest (obviously), a performance by Jerry Jeff Walker and the induction of Carmen Electra into the Bikinis Hall of Fame, where her breasts will be immortalized in bronze. 

Obviously this shit is gross and outdated, a ridiculous, overpriced cash grab designed by brainless skeeves for brainless skeeves. It's just the kind of dumb thing to elicit an eye-roll and not much else, but I can't help but feel extra-affronted that Bikinis, Texas is in such close proximity to Fredericksburg, one of the most charming little towns in the hill country. It's part of Tex-Deutsch country, from where my husband's super German family hails, and it's one of my favorite places to visit in the state. It's all rolling hills and wildflowers and peach orchards and breweries and wineries and German restaurants and antique stores, and now I will have to drive through Bikinis, Texas before I can get there! 

Well, at least I can stop by and see Carmen Electra's bronze tits on my way to eat reubens and drink hefeweizen.