Venture Capitalist Ding Dong Wants Well-Lit, Wired Movie Theaters

Stay home, you idiot. 

Some people cannot unplug from the internet for a couple of hours. This is not a virtue, although some - like Silicon Valley dipshit Hunter Walk - believe it to be. It's a sickness, an addiction... and a pathetic one at that. At least heroin has glamor; checking your iPhone every minute is dweeby. And I should know, I DO IT ALL THE TIME.

Anyway, this guy has written a blog post about his dream for the future of movie theaters, and basically his dream is a place for self-absorbed ADD assholes. 

Some people dislike going to the movies because of price or crowds, but for me it was more of a lifestyle decision. Increasingly I wanted my media experiences plugged in and with the ability to multitask. Look up the cast list online, tweet out a comment, talk to others while watching or just work on something else while Superman played in the background. Of course these activities are discouraged and/or impossible in a movie theater.

But why? Instead of driving people like me away from the theater, why not just segregate us into environments which meet our needs. I’d love to watch Pacific Rim in a theater with a bit more light, wifi, electricity outlets and a second screen experience. Don’t tell me I’d miss major plot points while scrolling on my ipad – it’s a movie about robots vs monsters. I can follow along just fine.\

A lifestyle decision. Our forefathers died in the mud so people like Walk could complain about not being able to make their preferred lifestyle decisions of always looking at Twitter. Was freedom really worth it? I don't know how we, as a society, became this Rand-ian 'Whatever I want to do is what I should be allowed to do whenever I want to do it" hellhole. It's actually disheartening to me. 

He does make a good point, though. Segregating these sorts of people - the morons who want to pay $10-15 in order to check their email or chat with their friends while a movie plays in the background - would keep them away from the rest of us. You know, people who have the basic self-control to turn off our phones and our mouths for two hours. The people who are trying to not let their brains devolve into mush just yet. The people who, being 'snobs', respect the collective moviegoing experience and want to enjoy themselves in that way.

I think the battle to keep texters and talkers out of movie theaters is an uphill one. I'm glad that Badass Digest is part of the Alamo Drafthouse family because I love Tim League's dedication to keeping his theaters quiet zones where people can watch movies, not have 'second screen experiences.' That's for your living room, guys*. But I know that Alamo cannot be there for everyone, that not every city (including Los Angeles!) has a theater like it. And so a Hunter Walk Theater, one set aside for the inconsiderate, for the scatterbrained, for the hyperlinked subhumanoids, makes perfect sense. Corrall them away. Let them barely pay attention to the movie. Let them play Candy Crush during the film. Just let them do it some place where I am not. 

Image via Vulture. 

* And I wonder if the inevitable advent of premium VOD - blockbuster movies day and date with theaters - will make all of this moot anyway, returning our movie theaters to the quiet houses of worship they should be.