You stupid rube, that ain't magic. That's an antihistamine. And the only thing I'm allergic to is YOU.
I just really, really want to drink French 75s with Angela Bassett and Jessia Lange. That is all I want.
Every season around this time, the wheels start to come off of American Horror Story for an episode or two before everything is made relatively cohesive by season's end. Yet while "Protect the Coven" is hardly the strongest episode of Season Three, I'd say that Coven seems to be keeping its wheels exactly where they should be for the most part. I fretted a bit last week as we started to delve into The Delphi Trust business that we'd waste a lot of time dealing with these boring bigwigs about whom we care nothing, but thanks to Danny Huston axeing them a question in the midst of their meeting with Fiona and Marie, I don't think we need to worry about that anymore.
Madame LaLaurie is back, and with a voiceover and some extended flashbacks, I feel like we finally got the meaty storyline Kathy Bates deserves. She was incredible this week, and I love her team-up with Spalding - I could not stop laughing with the Benadryl bit - but my tolerance for watching her torture slaves is just about worn out. As cute a pair as she and Spalding make, my favorite duo on Coven is without a doubt Fiona and Marie, and I hope Fiona will come to Marie's rescue - or even better, that Marie won't need one white woman to save her from another. Angela Bassett has been a dream on this show, the only actor who's ever held his or her own against Jessica Lange, and I hope she returns for future seasons. Marie Laveau is by far my favorite part of Coven, and I felt mightily uncomfortable watching a cruel slave mistress get the drop on her, no matter how great Bates' performance.
In other duos, Kyle and Zoe finally earn Madison's wrath, so they take Myrtle's advice - and her jewelry - and make a joyful, slow-motion jaunt to the bus station; they evidently intend to live happily ever after at Epcot Center. With the sort of The Graduate ending of this episode, and with what happened the last time Kyle was on a bus, I think we can all assume that Madison doesn't intend to remain a demure woman scorned much longer. Emma Roberts continues to win my heart with her brand of petulant power, and I rather love that we never quite understand where her loyalty or motivations lie. I do know that in the fight between her and the "junior varsity mall rat," I'm Team Madison. Zoe and Kyle's entire love affair is based on one brief conversation at a frat party. I can't quite make myself care if they end up together.
And Queenie's back, of course - did we ever doubt it? No one stays dead for more than a few episodes on this show. I missed Queenie, and I missed Gabourey Sidibe, so I'll let it slide that deaths mean nothing here, leaving American Horror Story: Coven utterly bereft of stakes. Her righteous anger at Cordelia is well-placed, and it seemed to kick Cordelia's mopey ass into gear. If she doesn't get interesting next week - even more interesting than stabbing herself in the eye. Twice. - I'm done with Miss Cordelia Fox.
We only have a couple of episodes left in the season, and I honestly don't have the first idea who's meant to be the next Supreme. The only thing I know for sure in this world is that there is no way we're not seeing Nan and Misty again.
Spalding brushing his hair out of his face with that doll's hands was the single greatest moment of this episode.
Myrtle gets more delightful every week. "You could never pull it off, darling."
The costume work on this show is truly spectacular. Dawn Ritz is doing a wonderful job this season.