NOAH Earns An Applause-Worthy Disclaimer

Christians finally realize that Darren Aronofsky's latest looks too good to be religious.

I just posted a Sam Strange Remembers article about Mortal Kombat and absolutely nothing in that article achieves the silly hilarity of this news piece. This is why I love being alive.

The Wrap reports that the new Darren Aronofsky film, Noah, which is all about the famous drunken Arc builder, Noah, will now come with a warning for those who would take it as literal scripture. I'm not exactly sure if it's only appearing on promotional materials or will show up in the film itself but it reads:

The film is inspired by the story of Noah.

While artistic license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, values, and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide.

The biblical story of Noah can be found in the book of Genesis.

It's a pretty good idea, actually. This way, religious people won't get mad when they discover the film features no fallen angles having sex with human women and creating a race of evil giants. Can you imagine how disappointing that would be without any warning?

I would also like to demand a disclaimer which protects genealogy buffs from seeing the film and getting excited over the prospect of being related to Russell Crowe, his fictional family, or one of those animals. People don't need that kind of false hope in their lives.

Noah comes out March 28. Sadly, we can no longer classify it as a non-fiction release.