Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman have split up. The dastardly duo who wrote the first two Transformers and Star Trek Into Darkness are no more - when it comes to movies. They'll still make TV shows your grandmother watches. I applaud Kurtzman for finally breaking away from Orci, who is a 9/11 Truther and thus someone who must be unbearable to spend time with. Have you ever talked with a Truther? They're this weird mix of crazy gullible and ludicrously cynical - they'll believe that the government has put a transmitter in their fillings but won't buy the official reasoning for road closures in your neighborhood. "They must be moving things into place to build NWO concentration camps!"
But there's a dark lining to this silver cloud - Orci is sticking with Star Trek. The guy is a big Trekkie, despite his personal philosophies being an absolute affront to the memory of Gene Roddenberry, and he's still working on the third film. But worse, he's pushing hard to direct the movie.
Roberto Orci wants to direct Star Trek 3, which will come out during Star Trek's 50th anniversary.
This is like putting Jeff Dahmer in charge of a home for runaway boys. This is like making Jason Voorhees a camp counselor. This is like electing George W. Bush president of the United States TWICE. It's a bad idea that is bad on its face and has several bad things lurking under the surface.
I take comfort in the fact that my other drooling fandoms - Marvel and Planet of the Apes - are doing well in movies, because I am first and foremost a Star Trek nerd and that property is being brutally ruined by Bad Robot (who will still be producing even as JJ Abrams moves on to Star Wars). Orci directing Star Trek 3 would be the nail in the coffin, the kind of a thing that might taint the franchise for a generation to come. According to Variety Paramount isn't totally on board with this, so I would like to speak to the good folks there:
DON'T DO THIS. Orci is bad for the franchise. The fans do not like him. You will be giving the series to a man who has no fan support and who is not particularly good at this stuff and who has never directed a motion picture. This is Star Trek's big 50th anniversary. Do it right. Make a movie that respects the series and that honors the memory of Gene Roddenberry and his ambitious, positive vision for humanity.
I'm also going over your head, Paramount. I'm going right to my good friend and occasional drinking buddy, Jesus.
Jesus: listen, dude. I know you don't like to get too involved. You let that Korean ferry sink because you and your Dad have your mysterious plans for the world. I get it. But I need you to step in this time. This is actually important. This is fucking Star Trek, man. I need you to take an active hand in this. Nothing drastic, just appear to a Paramount exec on toast or something. Do a Saul on the road to Damascus thing, let them see the light. In return I'll lay off the Creationists for a week. Deal?
Guys, we may be looking at a personal fandom crisis point for me. Should I get my Star Trek tattoo removed?