Our Daily Trailer: Jonah Hex

Scott closes out Hall H Casualty Week by barely finding it within himself to write about Jonah Hex.


So, yeah, this is the Jonah Hex trailer.  Which we're here to...uh...wait, why are we doing this again?  "Hall H Casualties Week"?  Oh, fuck me, right.  See, the BAD staff picked titles earlier this week to go along with that theme, and I very stupidly opted for Jonah Hex (2010).  Basically, I volunteered on Monday to ruin about an hour of my day on Friday.  Once again, Weekend Me got a wrench tossed in his gears by Week Day Me.  Fuck Week Day Me.

And fuck Jonah Hex, for that matter.  I imagine the film has its defenders, but I'll be damned if I've ever run into one.  Surely they exist, right?  I bet their opening line is always something along the lines of "But John Malkovich/Michael Fassbender are in it!", as though that comes anywhere near making up for the charisma-sucking blackhole being generated by the film's two leads, Josh Brolin and Megan Fox.  Brolin is incredibly wooden in the role, generates zero sparks with Fox (who I'm still not convinced isn't an elaborate stunt being played by Sacha Baron Cohen) and-- if I remember correctly-- seems to confuse "dark and brooding" with "dour and boring".

That's right:  "if I remember correctly".  I suppose the wise thing to do when preparing to write about Jonah Hex would be to throw yourself into traffic  would be to rewatch Jonah Hex, but let's be realistic:  I've already given a few hours of my life to Jonah Hex, and there could have been no realistic expectation on anyone's part-- myself included-- that I would do it again, work-related or not.

So's long as we've come this far, might as well just own up to the rest of it:  I got nothin', folks.  I got a Jonah Hex trailer and an agreement to round out Hall H Casualty Week by writing about it for 500 words or so.  The editors left the rest of us lowly contributing-types to party at Comic Con this weekend, so chances are they're not even reading these things before we post 'em.  I'll just keep inserting the bolded/italicized title into the text from time to time to create the illusion that we're still Jonah Hex talking about it, no one'll be the wiser.  You guys see Lucy yet?  Holy shit, does that thing not come together.  Almost worth recommending just for the bananas final act, but...anyway, Jonah Hex.

I wonder what's going on in Hall H right now?  How big of a bitch must it be if you're sitting in the middle of one of those Jonah Hex rows and you suddenly gotta take a leak?  What do you do, climb over everyone?  And then walk back in, climbing all over 'em a second time?  That can't be right.  I bet that room is funky as hell by Jonah Hex the end of the day.  And not like George Clinton funky, I mean like, oh wait I'm coming up on 500 words. And..

In summation, poopies