Breaking: Muslims Attacking Christmas Movies, Says Kirk Cameron

They're coming to get your Christmas!

With all the attention GamerGate has been getting, and the way its proponents are worried that women and minorities might take away their video games, you would be forgiven for thinking that this was the stupidest, most incoherently paranoid reaction by a dominant, privileged group. But that would just be because you're forgetting the War on Christmas, which is actually the number one stupid thing in the world. It's the idea that the Christian majority is somehow being oppressed as people try to take the Christ out of Christmas. It's the kind of boogeyman you have to create for yourself when you're on the top, stepping on all the people below you, enforcing a system that treats you and your kind best of all, because if you thought about the position you held in the world - truly understood the fact that you're the top of the heap - you'd no longer have any rationale for why you're so petty and hateful towards people who are different from you. You'd have no good explanation for why you're so fucking threatened by anyone who isn't you. 

And so Saving Christmas was born. It's the latest garbage from Kirk Cameron, former teen hearthrob turned Christian movie moron, who once famously said that bananas are proof of God* - who would have designed a food so perfectly easy to eat? - and who is now defending the biggest holiday on Earth. Hilariously there have been wars on Christmas, but they're usually waged by religious people, who don't like the way that the holiday is all about happiness and shit. Christmas was banned in Massachussets by the Puritans. The ban lasted 22 years. 

Anyway, Kirk's latest movie released a trailer, and then apparently something happened to it. He claims it was hacked and replaced with hateful propaganda (maybe just passages from The Bible?), but not only that, he says the hacking came from... Turkey. And the way he says it - watch the video! - makes his meaning clear: it was the Mooslims. 

The whole thing is embarrassing, but it's the anti-Muslim stuff that makes it really embarrassing. This is the key to the War on Christmas, the fanciful idea that there are groups out there who want to destroy the hoilday. As an atheist I hate when I'm forced to defend a religion - Islam is just as dopey as Christianity! - but the reality is that one religion is engaged in a decade-long campaign of extermination against the other. I'm sure Islamic radicals have more on their minds than Kirk Cameron's latest dumb movie. 

Kirk Cameron, you are our most glorious clown. 

* hilariously every point brought up for why bananas are proof of an intelligent designer - easy to open, fits in a hand, color coded for freshness - is technically correct, but the intelligent designer was man, who selectively bred bananas to be what they are today over the course of thousands of years. This is what a wild banana looks like, and its seeds are inedible:

This, to me, sums up everything about Creationism - people who just lookat the world and invent stories to explain it instead of doing the research to understand why it truly is the way it is. Even some cursory reading would inform Creationists that bananas didn't start their existence looking like the ones you buy at the grocery store.