These Nerdy Hunk Heart-Shaped Necklaces Will Make You Swoon

If you cannot relate to 99% of humanity, a Steve Buscemi necklace is for you.

It's the holiday season, which means we're all in the mood to spend money like good little consumers. Around this time last year, I was looking at photos of Steve Buscemi in Airheads - it was for work reasons, although sometimes I just like to Google photos of Steve Buscemi for personal reasons. I don't need a reason. It's none of your business. And then I wondered if some enterprising and crafty person had made a heart-shaped necklace with Steve Buscemi's face in it because he is a hunk and I wanted to proudly display my love for him. If you can think of it, it must exist somewhere on the Internet. I don't make the rules, I just live in them.

So I swiftly Googled "Steve Buscemi heart necklace," and BOOM. There it was, for me to purchase on Etsy from this amazing shop called Space Trash. Behold the Buscemi necklace, in all its sparkly and majestic glory:

Yes, I own this. This year I lost him for a few months and it was the worst few months of my life. Meredith was like, "Look in your car. I bet he's in your car." We call him "he" because this necklace is not an "it." This necklace holds the essence of Buscemi. That's why it sparkles. And she was right, by the way. He was in my car the whole time. That rascal.

In addition to selling the Buscemi necklace, Space Trash also offers so many other amazing weird hunk necklaces: Nic Cage, Louis CK, Bill Murray (he's become such a novelty actor that I don't think it's that weird to have a boner for him anymore), Christopher Walken and Peter Dinklage. You can also be more mainstream and get a Clueless or Ryan Gosling heart necklace, but that's kind of boring. They also offer CUSTOM heart-shaped necklaces, in case you maybe want to get Jack Nance from Eraserhead, James Spader (Puffy? Non-puffy? Up to you), or Jeff Goldblum. These are all supremely genius ideas that I came up with just now and I'm probably ordering all of them as soon as I'm done writing this.

What if a heart-shaped necklace with some hunk's face in it is too much of a commitment? Space Trash also offers non-face-having-accessories, like a pizza slice necklace, a pizza heart pin, or a friendship necklace set that's a whole pizza -  each necklace is a slice that you break off and give to a special friend. This shop speaks my language: Steve Buscemi and pizza.

There are also '90s-style chokers, Buscemi and Nic Cage earrings and rings, and buttons. So many buttons - including a pizza button which I also own, obviously. There's so much more, but instead of letting me go on and on and on about how amazing this shop is, you should just pay them a visit and place an order immediately. They are super affordable, and there is not a day that goes by that I regret purchasing my Buscemi.