They Sent Me A Phone To Make Sure I Shared This SELFLESS Trailer

Yesterday a courier came to my door and hand-delivered a package from "Pheonix Biogenic." Inside was a brand new LG phone, and instructions - to gain my immortality all I needed to do was charge the phone and wait by it at 8:30am the next day. This was good news; at 41 I'm beginning to feel the creeping onset of my mortality, and living forever seems pretty cool. 

This morning I was awake and ready with the phone, prepared to accept the call that would change my life. A text came:

Hello Devin. It's time. Shedding offers you the one thing a legacy can't - immortality. 

I waited. 

Nothing happened. 

OK, I texted back. 

Finally, a reply: 

Now, a new future awaits you. Go to

The phone I was sent did not allow me to click on the link in the text. I don't know if that's an LG thing or an Android thing - shit design, either way. That link took me to a page where the trailer for the new Ryan Reynolds movie Selfless played. And that, so far, is that. No calls. No further communication. A very expensive trailer debut. 

I'll hold on to the phone. After all, they paid for a month's service, it seems. This could be a good tool to use in a major prank war. Also, Selfless looks interesting; I can't say for sure whether the movie is good but the film's general conceit is compelling. The phone is kinda clunky, though.