The Rock Rides The Pork Chop Express In BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA Remake

I can't tell if this is good news or bad news!

Like, don't remake Big Trouble In Little China. For one thing, the original is perfect and no amount of CGI is going to improve upon it. For another thing, we don't live in an atmosphere where you can make a movie like Big Trouble in Little China, a film where there's a lot of hay made with another culture's iconography and tropes. In the modern era Jack Burton would penetrate the most interior parts of Little China only to find out that everybody living there is a perfectly normal American citizen who honor the traditions of their culture. It ends with Jack coming to understand that Asian fusion food made by white chefs is actually cultural appropriation. 

But what if they remade it with The Rock? The Rock is great, and every sane person supports The Rock. I think The Rock could do an interesting variation on Jack Burton. Hell, San Andreas shows he can do a Jack Burton thing: 

 

But yeah, despite loving The Rock, and despite The Rock saying for a long time that Big Trouble In Little China is his favorite movie, I just cannot stand behind this. I mean, I know it's no big deal in the long run - look at how Poltergeist and Total Recall among others just hit the window of pop culture like a disoriented bird, making no mark at all, so I'm not worried about the legacy. It's just a total waste of time. And money, because it won't make any money, but this isn't my cash, it's Fox. 

I'd rather see The Rock pursue a Jack Burton-esque vehicle, a movie that homages or riffs on Big Trouble, not a movie that remakes it but remakes it inherently poorly because you just can't tell the story or use the characters of Big Trouble in Little China any more. 

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