Godzilla Now An Official Japanese Citizen And Ambassador

Only twenty people were killed during his award ceremony.

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. That’s the lesson displayed by Japan earlier this year as the country presented raging beast Godzilla a certification of special residency and a job as tourism ambassador for the Shinjuku ward of Tokyo. Pays minimum wage.

While this happened in April, the papers were only finalized last week. Godzilla has reportedly been very disappointed with the length of time this process took. In fact, the eager monster checked on the status of his residency several times during the past two months, causing damages in the billions not to mention the incalculable costs in in terms of human lives.

Other countries have criticized Japan’s acceptance of such a dangerous creature with a long history of dealing death and destruction. Japan responded by saying “Fuck you. Come talk to us when you’re country’s getting attacked by giant monsters every other week for half a century. See what strategies you use then, assholes.” Godzilla overheard this, and his feelings were hurt. 

Luckily, Mothra was on hand to offer a shoulder to cry upon. Then they fought. Then they made up. The first paragraph of this story really happened.