Dear Mr. Nicolas Cage,
I hope this letter doesn't interrupt you from doing something incredible -- as you're wont to do, given your illustrious oeuvre. As you read this, I'm imagining that an easterly wind is kissing your face as you coyly smile, much like Cameron Poe ethereally descending those bus steps. I appreciate you (potentially) taking the time to hear my solemn plea.
You see, I work for the Alamo Drafthouse, which is a movie theater here in Austin, Texas, and I regularly program a series called Tough Guy Cinema. For only the truest of the true tough men of celluloid I hold a special all-day engagement celebrating their breadth of work for all to revere these national treasures.
A couple of years ago, I decided to honor the day of your most sacred birth by holding a party as one of these special marathon sessions, and well, it was just such a splendid time that I decided to do it again the next year. The crazy thing is, though, that no matter how much Nic Cage I showed to people or watched myself, we couldn't get enough. You're the only performer for whom I have held TWO marathons and sold out BOTH.
I had an open invite and held a special seat for you at the first celebration (I even made you a cake!), and last year I figured we maybe had some sort of missed connection or my letter got lost in the Internet somewhere because you seemed to not get that one either, so I'm going big or going home for this one.
As we enter the year 2016, the 52nd of your Cage years, I believe I might be at an end of my trilogy, and I'm throwing an all-out Cage-assault that will henceforth be known as CAG3D. I'm throwing you this one last party and would really love if you could make it.
I'll eat cockroaches. I'll let you drink beer from skulls. I'll even handcraft you a jacket that is a symbol of your individuality and belief in personal freedom. That's how much I want to share this party with you as we bask in the glory of your cinematic treasures (all in 35mm!) and maybe share a discussion or two on how one man can be so truly great. I REALLY hope you can make it.
I'll just leave you with this lyric as my parting plea:
"And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight."
-The Goo Goo Dolls (City of Angels Soundtrack)
I very much hope this invitation finds you in earnest, and I look forward to your reply.
-Greg "Ragin' for the Cage" MacLennan
Dear Mr. Nicolas Cage,