Who Is Noah Segan Playing in STAR WARS?

No, seriously, do you know? He won't tell us.

We don't normally do this sort of thing, but today we're making an exception: if you happen to know who Birth.Movies.Death. contributor Noah Segan is playing in the upcoming Star Wars: Episode VIII, please hit us up in the comments or use the "submit a scoop" button and help us out.

Segan, who up until now has been a dear friend of ours, will give us absolutely no indication as to what his role is in the still-untitled eighth episode of the beloved franchise. Fans of filmmaker Rian Johnson (and, one supposes, fans of Segan) will know that the actor is something of a good luck charm for the director, appearing in just about everything Johnson's ever directed (yes, even that amazing Breaking Bad episode). And even if we didn't have a deep, abiding affection for Noah - before today, that is - we'd tell you he's wonderful in all of Johnson's films. From the unsavory Dode in Brick, to the also-unsavory-but-in-a-different-way Kid Blue in Looper, Noah is an always compelling presence, and a reliably colorful addition to all of Johnson's casts. 

So when Noah took off for London recently, we all knew he was going to Pinewood for Star Wars, and we naturally assumed we'd be waved into his inner circle of privileged knowledge. But when pressed for details, suddenly Noah's good pals at BMD were on his pay-no-mind list. Ghosted. That's messed up, Noah.

And this is where it's left us. If you, dear reader, have some inside info, or happened to catch Noah in a chatty mood in a London pub this month, or possibly overheard something at a deathwave barbecue, please hit us up and fill us in.

Sorry; this is embarrassing for all of us.

Star Wars: Episode VIII opens December 15, 2017.