THE LAST HEIST Review: Let Henry Rollins Steal Your Eyeballs

You must see this bad movie.

I don’t really know where to begin with The Last Heist, a movie that burns through genres, tones and extreme quality dips with the kind of gleeful speed only ignorance can provide. It breaks rules over and over again, not because it wants to rebel against the norm but I suspect because it does not appear to know the rules in the first place.

You don’t see movies like this too often. The Last Heist is essentially two films awkwardly smashed together. On one hand you have a weirdly complex bank robbery movie. On the other, a grotesque serial killer slasher film. Somehow, the glue provided by this novel pairing gives the film enough juice to remain entertaining throughout. I’ve never seen anything quite like it, which means I never really knew what would happen next. One senses a yearning to hit genre cliches, but the attempts are mangled enough to create something original in the process.

In short, the film involves a bunch of robbers who want to empty the vault of a very strange bank that seems to only deal with safety deposit boxes. The bank is actually shutting down business and its last three customers are waiting to empty their boxes before their stuff gets shipped off. One is an old lady, one is a less old lady, and one is Henry Rollins’ Bernard, a serial killer who cuts out the eyeballs of his victims and then, I guess, stores them in a safety deposit box. He’s actually making an eyeball deposit and doesn’t know they’re closing up shop because, as he flatly puts it, he “doesn’t get mail”.

There are quite a few elements at play in this set up that either don’t make sense or seem overly complicated, and this describes The Last Heist as a whole. Its script is so mystifying. New players and revelations come at the audience right up to the end, and almost all of them are either nonsensical or completely antithetical to recognizable human behavior.

But The Last Heist is so much more complicated than just being “bad”. While the script fails spectacularly on a macro level, it wins when it comes to details. There are many characters in this film, but each has their own electricity, their own life. While some of the dialog is cheesy, The Last Heist does a surprisingly great job creating a cast of specific individuals, some with long complicated histories with each other you actually feel.

And then it kills the hell out of them. No matter how silly The Last Heist’s bank robbery plot gets, Henry Rollins is always sneaking around, ready to slice out some eyeballs. In a refreshing twist, his character really doesn’t care who he mows through - he kills robbers and hostages alike. Like a lot of movie serial killers, he claims to be working for God. It turns out he might just be correct.

While The Last Heist is definitely a bad film, its willingness to just drive ahead doing its own thing makes it both endearing and fascinating at the same time. If that sounds good to you, or if you just want to watch Henry Rollins gleefully slice people up, I highly recommend it.