David Ayer's highly-anticipated Suicide Squad arrives in just a few weeks, which means that any minute now The Asylum will be releasing...oh, here it is.
Right on time. That train's never late!
The Asylum, for those of you still living in blissful ignorance, is a studio/production company/shameless purveyor of rip-off dumpster-fire movies. They've been suckling off the Hollywood teat for going on two decades, producing movies that bear a striking resemblance to bigger, better movies. The similarities are never quite strong enough to be actionable, of course - just one lawsuit could eradicate the budget for dozens of Asylum films - but the similarities are strong enough to confuse anyone who's not paying attention.
Your grandpa, for instance. If you told Pop-Pop you wanted Transformers on DVD for Christmas back in 2007, you have The Asylum to thank for the copy of Transmorphers you ended up unwrapping.
Come to think of it, the Asylum may be the only company in the world whose entire existence is predicated upon confusing the elderly.
I keep checking, but IMDb insists that is not Kirk Cameron on the poster (which is, quite frankly, the most shocking thing about any of this). If you'd like to know more, here's the plot synopsis for Sinister Squad:
When a violent supernatural cult known as Death's Messengers reigns terror on Earth, a team of malevolent storybook villains is coerced into fighting in the modern world, but these baddies must learn to keep their true wickedness at bay if they want any chance at freedom.
That "team of malevolent storybook villains" includes Rumplestiltskin, Goldilocks, Alice, Gelda (?), Bluebeard (!!!), The Big Bad Wolf, the Mad Hatter (here simply called "Hatter", probably to avoid the wrath of the Lewis Carroll estate), and holy fucking shit Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee being played by the same actor.
Look, I'll be honest: there's no reason to draw attention to this nonsense other than to point and laugh at it, but sometimes that's enough, and sometimes that laughter is well-earned. Do what you will in the comments below, and see Suicide Squad when it opens on August 5th.